#sometimes the media and other people and trends and things that go and see in the world make you believe almost you are not worth that

[trafficpan-ic]

I know myself, i know my worth but hearing this it's something else

[toilunderthemoon]

if i start to read a post but notice that it has like 10k + notes, im always at least slightly more skeptical about how funny/true/logically sound it is

[kukinkrim]

Hiii💗

I was wondering if you could do headcannons of the Saja boys with a demon s/o that’s a little weirdo? Like maybe she has a very odd hyper fixation like embalming, poisons, spirits, etc. She could be a little eerie looking, still pretty but theirs just something off. Maybe one of the boys hears their fans bashing the reader on her interests or appearance and instantly shut in down publicly?

the tales of five demon boys & their delightfully disturbing lovers

saja boys x gn!demon!reader (separate)

note: they ended up longer than i inteded TT i'm getting used to writing hcs, sorry!

jinu + a spirit-whisperer s/o

when jinu first met you, he was convinced you were possessed. like actually.

demons are evil and weird—he included, of course, he has his own fair share of hobbies. but you were different

you would mutter in latin to the air and say things like “don’t step there—he hates being walked through.”

sometimes you would stop mid-conversation to stare at something in the air and say, “can you not breathe down my neck right now?”

jinu can't see them, which makes it all the more scary.

how can a demon be scared of ghosts? he doesn't know.

but jinu fell inlove still.

and your spirit friends actually, genuinely, liked him.

their approval gives him pride, like he was asking your parents to court you.

jinu thinks your quirks that humans deemed 'weird' were what made you all the more beautiful.

he never found you weird.

not once. not even when you left cups of tea in the hallway and whispered to empty rooms like you were tucking invisible children into bed. if anything, it made the world feel less lonely.

most people said the word ghost with fear in their voices.

you said it like family. and jinu was welcomed into that little family of yours.

jinu had grown used to hearing you talk to the air. to them. like bakunawa, the ancient spirit who refused to sit unless the tea was boiling, steam hissing. or gertrude, an old lady, who hovered around his lover like a protective auntie, brushing your hair when you fell asleep.

sometimes, he’d catch glimpses—just shapes and flickers of movement. but it was your stories that brought them to life.

he'd make you tea and listen. no judgment. he listens and gets to know the spirits you were so fond of.

because in your world—between the living and the dead—you were never alone.

and neither was he. h had grown to love them, too.

but it was only a matter of time before his fans knew of your existence. not that he was hiding you deliberately, but kpop fans were just whole other level of nightmare to control.

he wasn’t even sure how they found you.

regardless, the storm hit fast.

your face was everywhere, and the nickname "spirit freak" was trending.

“they need help.”

“jinu’s dating a that freak??”

“is he being posessed because why them? that's so creepy.”

“someone check his house for ouija boards.”

the worst ones weren't just mocking. they quickly turned violent. threats. doxxing. they managed to catch wind of your cellphone number and blew up your notifications with nonstop threats that made you feel disgusted.

mortals were scarier than ghosts; demons, even.

they didn't faze you, of course. you are a decade older than the rest of this sorry population. you wouldn't stoop so low as to dignify their taunts with any more response—you don't care much.

but jinu cares alot more than you realized.

he didn’t go online. he didn’t tweet, didn’t post, didn’t stream.

everyone thinks it's because he was weighing his options. that, or he finally woke up from this 'nightmare' of a relationship—according to his fans.

but what the public didn't know was that he spent three weeks studying defamation laws, cybercrime statutes, digital harassment ordinances. he skipped meals to do his research thoroughly, leaving no stone unturned.

he compiled every tweet, every handle, every traceable threat; especially those that were sent to your phone.

when the lawsuits dropped, the media exploded

“Multiple Pride Fans Facing Court Action from SAJA BOYS's Jinu’s Legal Team.”

he didn’t post a statement.

he didn’t need to.

his silence did all the talking.

abby + an embalmer s/o

you're a 10/10 but owns 5 vintage embalming kits and a preserved raven in your entryway.

when abby first visited your home it smelled like clove oil and faint formaldehyde.

abby once asked if that was a perfume, only to be surprised of the answer.

the shock wore off quick, though, because he didn't really understand what it really is and what it was for. "what's a floramahehaye?"

abby actually likes your job. he doesn't care about humans so it didn't really faze him when you knew of your occupation and hobbies.

if anything, he would volunteer sometimes when you're studying about human anatomy.

mostly because his abs, his proud and joy, fascinated you so much.

he's very smug about it actually.

as a demon, you spent most of your early existence buried deep within the earth’s crust, surrounded by a screaming fire lord and lava rivers and imps who couldn’t didn't have anything more to do than wallow in despair. you didn’t like hell—everyone doesn't. it was too loud, too hot, too full of shame. but you were used to it.

until you started watching humans.

they were delicate. complicated. tender. they lived fast and rotted faster.

you wanted to understand them.

so, naturally… when you were given the chance to stay on the surface, you took a job where you could open them up and study what they left behind.

embalming was never about death. to you, it was about learning. it was preserving. honoring the shell left behind.

your coworkers thought you were a little off. not that you would blame though. your uncanny precision, your fascination with each organ’s texture, your absolute indifference to that iron smell—but you never let it bother you.

and abby doesn't too.

your first time meeting, you were shamelessly staring and he absolutely drank that attention up.

he was unnaturally pretty. not like “idol pretty,” more like if the concept of youth itself hit the gym. broad shoulders, pretty mouth, lashes long enough to dust a corpse’s cheek, and those godsent, chiseled, mouth-watering abs.

you didn’t mean to fall in love.

and when you once murmured your confession, “i wonder what your heart looks like outside of your ribcage,” he just grinned and said, “kinda sweet. kinda terrifying. i'd give it to you if i could, though.”

he never made you feel like a freak.

so when fans found out who you were. when your job, your calling, became the butt of every joke online—it crushed him.

it started with a leaked photo. you, in your lab coat, smiling serenely as you adjusted a body’s jaw. it was taken out of context and plastered everywhere.

“abby’s lover is a corpse freak???”

“THEY HANDLE DEAD PEOPLE FOR FUN.”

“what happened to dating normal people.”

“wouldn't be surprised if abby's dead one day with an open stomach lolol. what a freak."

the comments weren’t just cruel. they were invasive. some found your workplace and showed up outside, calling you all the names on the book.

you nearly lost your job.

abby didn’t wait for the PR team to draft an apology. apology for what? he wasn't sorry for loving you. he ignored the company meetings taht called to him for damage control.

and three days later, at the next fansign, he arrived wearing a tight white t-shirt.

on the front, in bold red gothic lettering: "EMBALM ME, MOMMY."

and on the below it is a large, flattering photo of your face—taken when you weren’t looking. probably in your embalming room. you had a scalpel in one hand and a slight smile on your lips. you looked beautiful.

mystery + a poison-obsessed s/o

your kitchen looked like a potion lab. bottles of liquid with caution plastered all over them.

your kisses sometimes tasted like bitter almonds or lemon balm.

you have a garden in your backyard solely for growing herbs.

you labeled your garden beds like “mild paralysis” and “emotional support toxicity."

he liked it.

sometimes he’d join you, fingers brushing yours as you crushed petals into paste.

mystery: you drank WHAT?

you, grinning: only a sip. i just wanted to know if it numbed my tongue—turns out, it does!

true to his name, he would sometimes ask you to let him taste some of them too

mystery wasn’t sure when it became normal to wake up to the smell of crushed wolfsbane and jasmine tea.

he just knew that when he saw your apron covered in petal dust and your fingers stained faintly green, it felt like home.

you were strange.

you were a poisoner.

not an assassin—just a curious one. a demon with a flair for toxicology and herbal pharmacology. you’d been alive for centuries and tasted everything from heavenly herbs that made angels cry to the extract of a root so potent it made your vision turn sideways for a week.

he once caught you licking a leaf, then calmly scribbling down symptoms in a leather-bound notebook.

“just tingling this time,” you had mumbled, smiling.

mystery stared at you for ten full seconds before croaking out, "honey, you ingested… all of that?!”

you just blinked, head tilting slightly. "it was for science. science tasted kind of burning though."

he nearly died of a heart attack. not from your herbs—just you being you.

but did he ever stop you? no.

he was mystery, after all. and you? you were every dark thrill he never knew he needed.

you were careful, really. but one photo of your windowsill garden—specifically the belladonna and monkshood—somehow surfaced on a gossip account. then someone dug deeper and found your blog; a poison-for-research journal filled with herb tests, absorption rates, even antidote recipes you’d developed yourself.

the internet of course lost its mind.

some fans began speculating even the smallest things like his energy drinks having odd colors and were convinced you were poisoning him slowly.

#SaveMystery

“that freak is literally feeding him poison!”

“they're a murderer, i swear.”

mystery read them out loud with a deadpan face. "they're not exactly wrong though," he comments as he zooms in on a picture his fans posted of his 'odd drink.' "you put wolfsbane here, right? they're exaggerating though. didn't kill me."

you squinted at the picture he was holding up. "oh that? that's just vitamins.”

mystery blinked. "what?"

you chuckled. "you think i'd feed you something dangerous? you big goof. they're all vitamins. ever wondered why your skin is glowing and you're healthy as a baby?"

"what."

mystery felt betrayed that you didn't poison him like he believed you did. in fact, he's so butthurt about it he decided to rant about it on his live.

in the garden, pretending to be sad as he expressed how he was deeply hurt by his lover's actions, ignoring his angry fans that flooded his comments—all the while you were working in the background with your frilly apron, tending to your garden.

"you're all wrong. they aren't poisoning me. in fact, i found out rhey've been sneaking vitamins and immunity boosters into my food this whole time, and i, frankly, feel betrayed that my glowing skin is natural.”

you peeked from behind him, holding something in your hands.

“this one’s elderberry and magnesium. want it in your smoothie?”

he nodded solemnly. “yes, please.”

the fans had long since stopped trying to protect mystery because he clearly doesn't want it. who whines on live about not being poisoned by their lover?

romance + dollmaker s/o

he met you during a fansign when you showed him a picture of your next doll project: the saja boys.

creepy button eyes and sewn mouths, unfinished, but still creepy

thought it was a prank.

realized it wasn’t and said, “nice detail on the jawline.”

perhaps the mini doll of himself that you made was cursed, but it hangs on his bags permanently.

the thing actually purred and he was elated.

he brags about it to his members.

romance had always been used to fans doing bold things. letters written in blood (food coloring, hopefully) life-size cardboard cutouts of him left at hotel lobbies, one girl even proposed with a ring pop.

but nothing—and he means nothing—could’ve prepared him for you.

you arrived at the fansign table dressed sweetly enough, nothing out of the ordinary. fans likes dressing uo for these occassions, it wasn't anythinf new. but what you placed in front of him had romance.exe malfunctioning.

it was a doll. a creepy, uncanny-valley doll. big head, button eyes, sewn lips, and somehow… his exact jawline...?

“is this… me?” romance asked, blinking, and you nodded, excited. “yes! and here’s the rest of your group, but j spent the most time on you. i even added your tattoos!”

at first, he thought it was a prank. maybe, there was joke he missed.

but then you pulled out stitching diagrams. color palettes. handmade clothes. and you started yapping and you just looked so passionatr about it that he couldn't even bring himself to say anything bad.

he eyes the doll, fiddling with its hair. it was very real. and kind of creepy, he swore it would start walking if left in a room alone. but also… he's shockingly flattering?

“i look nice here, actually,” he said, grinning. “perfectly captured my jawline.”

romance hadn’t stopped thinking about you. the dolls were weird—but you weren’t. besides, anyone who paid that much attention to his features? yeah. he doesn't mind one bit.

you were dating quietly, secretly. he loved visiting your apartment—shelves lined with little haunting faces, half-stitched limbs, eyes in jars waiting for placement. dors he find it creepy? absolutely. but your focus, your joy, your pride in every weird little creation?

he loved that even more.

you once handed him a tiny version of himself. a keychain doll. “for luck,” you said. and he has it always, ALWAYS, hanging on his bags. he swore the mini-romance purred when it sat beside the mini-version of you on his nightstand.

if it was a curse, he’d never felt more lucky.

one day, during a casual vlog in his apartment, fans noticed something in the background.

two dolls.

not just any dolls. your dolls, but they didn't know that yet. it was very clearly a couple's item. one of him and one of… someone else. a striking resemblance to a photo they'd seen from an obscure art account.

the internet did its thing.

within hours, fans had connected the dots. your etsy store. your blog with antique doll restorations. they even managed to dig up the blurry photos of you behind him on some vlogs he had carelessly posted.

“that freak collection is dating romance???”

“THEY PUT HIS SOUL IN A DOLL, GUYS.”

“those dolls probably blink at night.”

“they're gonna curse the whole group. watch.”

the hate was immediate and brutal. they called you everything from creep to witch.

the hate had been building for days. rumors of your “witchcraft,” the conspiracy threads claiming you’d stolen romance’s soul and trapped it inside a life-sized doll made of bone dust and silk; they flooded comment sections with hex emojis. fans even speculated you had a whole graveyard in your apartment.

romance merely lets them bark. he let them foam.

and then he announced a solo comeback.

no teaser. no album name. just a picture of his new merch on his account.

on a worn velvet armchair sat the doll. rhe very first one you made. slumped slightly, hands on its lap. it stared directly at the camera.

the photo captures every detail of the doll that he called mini-romance. on his heart was an embroidery of your name in red thread.

"she made me with her hands. now you can hold a piece of me too. preorders now open."

baby + an s/o that loves haunted artifacts

this one? wasn't fazed in the slightest.

he actually liked accompanying you to go store hopping, even if most of the stores you visited were eerie.

he hels you arrange them sometimes.

he would even help you with installing shelves for your little trinkets.

he once caught the porcelain hand on your desk waving at him and he waved back.

baby’s been many things in life. a demon, idol, walking disaster with a voice like sin—uh... that's kinda it, to be honest. but scared? never.

so when he started dating you, the only real shock wasn’t your hobby… it was how into it he got.

your apartment looked like the aftermath of a haunted estate sale—crucifixes, ouija boards sealed in glass cases, dolls missing one eye but “don’t worry, she sees just fine,” and shelves of jars with things inside he doesn't to ask about.

your prized possession? a cracked music box from the 1800s that played by itself at 3 a.m. every third thursday.

“it’s a spiritual warning,” you explained sweetly.

he blinked, shrugging his shoulders as he holds the music box carefully. “well, the melody kinda slaps. mind if i sample it for our next song?"

baby genuinely loved your weirdness.

you’d get excited explaining where your “possessed” trinkets came from, describing the terrifying rumors around each one. he’d nod along, snack in hand, letting you ramble for hours like you were narrating a true crime doc he was deeply invested in.

“this mirror’s from an asylum that burned down.”

“dope.”

“if you stare into it too long, you see your past life.”

“bet mine was hot too.”

baby was actually one of the members who was pretty open about your relationship, which is no wonder why everyonr had been questioning his sanity the moment they first discovered your love for weird and creepy things.

at first, he ignored it. it didn't matter what the public said anyway, he didn't care about them. it didn't seem like you cared either.

“is baby okay?? that room is CURSED.”

“i swear i heard someone singing inside the bathroom.”

“his lover is a witch. or a demon. or both.”

“SOMEONE GET HIM OUT OF THERE.”

but a particular request from you made him sigh. you asked, innocently, so gently, if you could show his fans your trinkets so they wouldn't be so scared.

so, thats why he found himself setting up in the middle of your living room.

the live started with a low hum.

not from the camera, but from the background. something in a jar on that third shelf was vibrating. which is something that happens everyday. the chat doesn't know that though and they were going absolutely nuts.

omg is that the haunted jar?? WHAT IS THAT NOISE who let baby go live unsupervised again IS THAT A DOLL IN THE BACK why is it BLINKING

then baby appeared onscreen—grinning, holding his phone like a microphone. he waved lazily. “sup.”

behind him, your famously haunted living room was in full display. crucifixes, preserved bones, jars that kept rocking about, and many more things that the chat didn't want to see.

he stepped back, then gestured off-camera. “okay, listen up. i brought someone.”

you stepped into view, sheepishly waving at the camera.

baby leaned into the frame again, eyes narrowed in a glare. "they're going to show off their favorite artifacts and your only job is to clap and say good things. you're going to play nice, got it?”

then he retreated to the back, letting you have the spotlight while he crossed his arms, glarimg from behind you.

“okay, babe. show ‘em your favorites. i'll be back here, not getting possessed. probably.”

you brightened.

“okay! first—this is tobias, my favorite mirror.”

[von-koopas-muse]

Agere sensories - visuals! (things I see!)

Seeking:

fairy lights, night lamps, aquarium lamps, lava lamps, LED strips, christmas lights

online you can search up toy commercials, toy unboxing, pinterest, or the website that you're on right now, Tumblr! however make sure your blocked tags and phrases are secured before going through social media, especially as a little

if you're feeling confident, visit toy stores, libraries' kids sections, playgrounds! they're very stimulating, but remember to stay respectful on your visits :)

There's more to artsy life than coloring books! Bead bracelets, clay, stickers, collecting various things, journaling, baby books, finger painting, glitter!

To my fem leaning regressors, hairclips, jewelry, bright make-up (I do not recommend kids make-up as it doesn't have regulations, use adult make up in a childish way), animal headbands! To my neutral/masc regressors, pins, patches, funky shoelaces, sticker tattoos, keychains! Decorate yourself to stimulate yourself on gloomy days!

get food for kids! More colorful, maybe with a cute animal or a smile or dinos, the pretty juice bottles with cartoons? don't get me started. You can also get shape cutters for your veggies/sandwiches

stimboards, gifs!

customize your devices! Wallpapers, keyboards, AOD, widgets! You can even use gifs!

decorate your room and gear too! Coloring pages or other craft you're proud of, showing your favorite toys (if you're safe) colorful rugs! Make custom pacis, add stickers to your bottles, add cute labels!

stim toys, glow in the dark toys! Water toys, squishy balls with colors in them, orbeez, snowglobes, slime!

Avoidant:

Have nap times! They don't have to be a nap time, but you can make an hour to yourself, covering the windows and turning off the lights

There are settings on modern devices specifically targeted for visuals. Lower the brightness, get yourself a dark mode, have eye safety on

Get yourself fuzzy nighttime blindfolds, cute sunglasses, hats or hoodies that will limit your eye view (be careful to be protected, but functional if you're outside)

this is universal for any sensory suppression, but items for babies are your best friends if you're looking for less eye straining gear. (Especially with the beige mom trend being more popular, ha ha)

if you still want to watch baby shows, check low-stimulation lists. Also, usually shows directed at younger age range are slower. I also find vintage cartoons less overwhelming (but they're not guaranteed to be always slow and not stimulating)

You can order online instead of throwing yourself out to the chaotic, overwhelming stores

limit your screentime! Short-form content is easily overwhelming, and staring into a bright screen for x hours doesn't do your eyes a favor. It's okay to need breaks and not always be up to date with everything

if possible, pick safe times to do your errands where there's not a lot of people, like weekend mornings.

have a list of safe cartoons, safe colors, safe places, or other "safe" sensories. It's sometimes better to know what you're comfortable with!

remember, if it gets too much, it is always okay to back out. This is YOUR coping mechanism and nobody else's, it's up to YOU what you're okay and not okay with

[mononijikayu]

rank em’ up — ryomen sukuna.

“Sometimes I wear that fitted tank top you like.” His breath hitched. The reaction was immediate, primal. A low, guttural sound rumbled in his chest. Somewhere between a growl and a threat. It was like he was being challenged and invited at the same time. His hand finally moved, landing on your thigh with a grip just shy of bruising, like his body decided for him. It was to keep you close or the building burns down. That’s just how it was with him.

Genre: Alternate Universe — Volleyball! AU;

Warning/s: General Rating, AFAB! Reader, Use of She/Her, Use of Female Centered Identification, Pet Names (Babe, My Love, Baby, Etc), Romance, Fluff, Humour, Love, Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Lovers, Marriage, Feeling, Light-Hearted, Slice of Life, Idiots In Love, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Teasing, Healthy Relationship, Friendships, Profanity, Long Distance Relationship, Frustration, Volleyball Pro! Sukuna, Astrophysicist! Reader, Husband! Sukuna, Wife! Reader;

Words: 3k words.

Notes: i have so many other stuff i haven't worked on yet because ive been so busy but i hope you enjoy this anyway. it's short but it something that's inspired me because its so funny to see how people reacted. i thought of volleyball sukuna. anyway, enjoy!!! i love you all <3

masterlist

if you want to, tip! <3

lovesick playlist

IT WAS SUCH A GREAT WAY TO OPEN THE NEW SEASON. He was so excited to play when he woke up. He was working hard to make this happen, along with his team. The Tokyo Great Bears had just won their first season match, and Ryomen Sukuna was already in a foul mood.

Not because they lost or ended up almost losing the game. That’s not the case at all. They’d crushed it on the court, as usual. With his leadership, of course there would be victory. That's just how it is when he's in the court with his boys.

He wasn’t annoyed about anything at court, no. He also was not tired or sore or annoyed with his teammates. No, Ryomen Sukuna’s rising irritation had a very specific source.

You. Well, more precisely, him and you, specifically you, in the hands of the team’s social media newly hired intern. The young person who had approached you and Sukuna, just right after the game with a little nervous smile on their face.

They were holding up a phone like it was a puppy. But to Ryomen Sukuna, that smile felt like one that was something that could only come from being stuck without any choices within the endless fields of a land mine.

He had no doubt that the actual manager was roaming around somewhere, slacking in their job for once. He doesn't participate much in the social media thing going on for the club, but everyone's more open about it.

Especially that kid Itadori. That kid enjoys doing all the trends too much. That's why he goes viral a lot. But that means the manager always goes around following him. And Itadori always runs around through the building.

That's why he liked to think that the manager was taking a moment to relax for once, without having to go all around the building to take a video and immediately sending it to be edited to be quickly posted.

But it was rough, because now this kid doesn't know that he actually doesn't do much social media work like his other teammates. And now, they're stuck trying to convince him to do it like they're life depends on it.

"Hey Sukuna-san! Quick content bit—can we grab you for a TikTok filter game?"

“No,” he said flatly, his hand still intertwined with yours.

“My love, let them speak—”

“I told them I’m not doing media day today, I’m gonna hog you to myself.” He says, almost in a pout at you. “Baby, I didn’t see you these past few days. Let me have this.”

You raised a brow at your husband. “You saw me this morning at breakfast, and bed before that and then—”

“Shhhhh, that’s not the point, baby!”

"Please, we did it with everyone else too! Everyone said yes, too!”

Sukuna turns back at them, narrowing his scarlet eyes. “But I wanna keep saying no.”

“B–but! Sukuna–san! It’s just a fun thing!” the poor intern stammered, clearly on the brink of losing what little composure he had left. 

One shaky hand clutched the phone, already recording, while the other made an awkward little waving motion. It was like he was trying to physically push the awkward tension away. Ryomen Sukuna wasn’t listening.

He had you tucked under his arm, big palms splayed possessively across your hip, pulling you closer and closer like he thought someone might come and physically steal you right then and there in the middle of the post-game lounge.

“We’ll be using a TikTok filter!” the intern tried again, voice cracking. “You’ll just be ranking the sports you want to see your wife try. The filter picks them randomly—just quick reactions!”

You, eternal chaos agent, perked up in his grip like the phrase “your wife” was an activation spell. You twisted just enough to beam up at Sukuna, practically glowing. You practically try to remove yourself from your husband’s touch. 

You were too intrigued by TikTok lately, your husband knew that. You joined the hype train a little too late, but that was to be expected. You were too busy with your day to day work life!

But now you got some rest from your very busy every day life and with your honeymoon still ongoing, you wanted to look up things to watch while on the flight and wanted to learn new things.

Your interests change from time to time. It was just how it was lately, you think to yourself. Sometimes, it's correcting bad videos with misinfo about space or maybe even the bad physics fact videos.

Sometimes, it's recipes to try to make it easy to eat, high quality meals for you and Sukuna to try. Sometimes, it’s pretty little dresses for your little doggo Marin. There's a lot of worlds to explore for you.

Sukuna is often confused, though. Your husband was the most offline person you’ve ever met in your life. The only social media he actually has is Instagram and that was just because he has to post about his sponsorships. Other than that, it was your day to day life together with Marin…..Which he posts once in a blue moon. 

But you can’t judge him for that — you were just as private as him when it comes to your own life together. What pictures of you and Sukuna which are out there are either from his rare posts, media posts or his fanclub seeing you together somewhere.

TikTok was your only account. And somehow, it’s too addicting. You just can’t catch up. But when you do catch up, you think to yourself that it’s an achievement. Your latest intrigue lately was these little ranking filters, especially ones between couples. 

You have only watched people do it, of course. You have no thought of doing it yourself. Well, at least that’s what you tell yourself. But now that the opportunity, it was way too tempting. You grinned at the young intern.

“Ooh, that sounds fun.”

Sukuna slowly turned his head to you with the exaggerated menace of a mafia boss betrayed by his right hand. “For who?”

You gave him that smile. The one that curled at the corner like you were plotting and worshipping him in equal measure. The one that made his chest tighten and his jaw clench and his brain shut down in ways that had absolutely nothing to do with sports rankings.

“You love ranking things, you know!” you said, poking him lightly in the ribs. “You do that with your favorite volleyball players. You even ranked the types of towels at the hot spring last weekend.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Because those towels were categorically different, and one of them stole moisture like a desert wind—”

“Exactly! Channel that energy, my love. Use that control-freak brain for good.”

The intern looked between the two of you like he wasn’t sure whether to be afraid, impressed, or violently single. Ryomen Sukuna stared at you a moment longer, an expression carved from granite. 

Then, with a growl of defeat, he released you with one last tug and stood, dragging a chair into the center of the frame with all the grace of a man about to be executed.

He plopped down like gravity had quadrupled, crossed his arms over his chest, and shot the camera a dead-eyed glare that could wilt a tree.

“You owe me so much later.” he muttered, pointedly.

You skipped into the edge of the frame, camera still rolling, cheeks aching from trying to suppress your smile. You leaned in to whisper, “Maybe I’ll wear that sundress you seem to hate.”

“Don’t tempt me to break this phone, baby.” he gritted, his ears slowly turning red. 

You smirked at him. “Oh, I dare, my love.”

The intern swallowed hard at your interaction, a blush on their face and hit the start on the filter. The game almost instantly began, that’s what made you giggle. Ryomen Sukuna was already losing it, you can see. The filter started to spin finally.

“I guess this is what I’m ranking, sports….I would let my wife do with another person.” Sukuna says, almost too awkwardly and too loudly all at once. “Fuck, this is ridiculous.”

🧘‍♀️YOGA.

You saw the way his fuschia brow twitched before he even spoke. “Absolutely fucking not. No way I’m letting my baby do that. No fucking way.” he said.

"Why not?" the intern asked innocently, a bit stunned at Sukuna’s crassness. “Sukuna-san, please—”

He shot them a glare like he was considering how much bail money he could afford. "Too many bendy poses. Too much touching. Strangers breathing near her. Eyes everywhere. You want me to die early?"

You laughed. Loudly. He turned toward you and narrowed his eyes. “My love, that’s too much!”

“Nah, nah, valid fucking concern.”

The filter spun again.

🏊‍♀️SWIMMING.

He squinted. “In what? A wetsuit? A bikini? A competition-grade Speedo? Because if it's anything less than a full-body NASA suit, I’m out.”

“My love—” you started, already cracking up once again. “Please!”

"Eyes. Skin. Wet hair. I’m having a stroke just imagining it. No. Tied with yoga for the bottom. To my wife’s fine—"

“I feel so honored, my love.” you deadpanned.

He ignored you and leaned forward slightly, glaring into the camera like the filter itself had offended his ancestors. You shake your head, unable to stop smiling as you stare at him and focus on what is next to his trenches.

🥊BOXING.

Sukuna paused. “...Hmm.”

“Oh no, my love.” you said, already suspicious. “Don’t say what I think you’re gonna say!”

“That’s kind of hot, baby. I gotta admit that.” he admitted grudgingly. “Strong stance. Gloves. Focused eyes. You’d look like a menace.”

You arched a brow. “So it’s number one?”

“No, it’s also bottom tier. Someone might land a hit on you. I’d get too angry. And I’ll have to land them in the ER.”

"Please, Sukuna–san." the intern whispered, finally relaxing into shaking laughter. "You're killing me."

“That’s how it is everyday!” You giggled fondly, as the filter whirled again. “What’s coming up next?”

🧗‍♀️ROCK CLIMBING.

Sukuna didn’t even blink. “No.”

"Why not?"

“She’d be in a harness.”

“So?”

“People would be below her.”

“And?”

He turned to you slowly. “You think I’m okay with strangers craning their necks to admire your gravitational pull? Babe, that pull is pretty fine. I’m sorry. No one else should be staring there.”

You choked on your juice. “My what now?”

“Your backside, woman. What, baby? You don’t want me to blur it out? I need people to not know! The hyenas of the world exist!”

You were gone the moment he said that out loud. Doubled over on the wall and then onto the floor, shoulders shaking, a full wheeze slipping out as your laughter became borderline undignified.

“Sukuna–san, that’s so…..”

Sukuna’s ears flushed. He looked back at the camera. “Stop encouraging her. We’re never doing this again, you hear me?”

🎾TENNIS.

The silence stretched.

He frowned. “...Tennis is...fine.”

You blinked at him. “Really?”

“You’d look good, baby.” he admitted, teeth grinding. “Hair tied up. That little skirt. Focused face. Confident swings. Probably muttering equations under your breath between serves. It’d be.....ugh. It’s number one, okay? But it’s barely number one. Because it’s still a problem.”

"Why is everything a problem?"

“Because you’re the problem, baby.” he said bluntly, gesturing wildly. “You make everything look too good. Too hot. Too intimate. And I can’t let people be wild hyenas over you! I’m not ranking sports, I’m ranking threats to my sanity.”

The camera zoomed in slightly. Sukuna leaned closer, eyes dark and intense. “Stop giving her ideas. Please, I’m begging you. I’m confused enough—”

Off-camera, the intern died laughing. “That was amazing, thank you. I’m….I’m so sorry!”

Sukuna held up a hand. “Don’t post that. I swear to god.”

“Oh, we absolutely are, my love.” you said, snatching the phone and saving the video for yourself. “It’s going in our shared album. Title: ‘My Husband Goes Feral Over Hypotheticals.’”

He grunted. “Do it and I’m deleting the whole cloud.”

“Do you even know how to do that?”

“.......I’ll ask Fushiguro.”

You stood and walked over to him once again, still grinning. You leaned down and whispered into his ear. “I actually do yoga when you're not home, my love.”

His entire body tensed. “You what?”

“Every Tuesday.”

A pause. The kind of pause that felt like the universe itself was holding its breath. Ryomen Sukuna didn’t move at first. He just stared at you, his expression unreadable. His brows slightly drawn, jaw tight, that vein in his neck ticking like a warning light. 

His hands, previously resting in his lap, twitched. One flexed open like he meant to grab your waist. His other one was curled slowly into a fist, as if trying to physically restrain himself from committing several Class A felonies.

It was a moment where even gravity seemed to hesitate, uncertain whether to let him fall into you or launch into combustion. You leaned in close. Rather closer than necessary. Your mouth brushing the curve of his cheekbone as you leaned in to whisper, light as starlight.

“Sometimes I wear that fitted tank top you like.”

His breath hitched. The reaction was immediate, primal. A low, guttural sound rumbled in his chest. Somewhere between a growl and a threat. It was like he was being challenged and invited at the same time. 

His hand finally moved, landing on your thigh with a grip just shy of bruising, like his body decided for him. It was to keep you close or the building burns down. That’s just how it was with him.

You pulled back just far enough to see your husband’s face and god, the look he gave you could melt satellites. Half-possessive, half-exasperated, fully undone. You slyly smiled at your husband, moving to the side, still keeping your eyes at him.

“You think you’re clever, huh?” he muttered, voice hoarse.“Just dropping words like that when I’m still sweaty from a game and trying not to do something stupid, hm?”

“I know I’m clever,my love.” you replied sweetly.

That did it. The intern, who had remained frozen like a woodland creature sensing the arrival of a predator, chose that moment to flee. No words, no goodbye. It was just a full, panicked retreat with phone clutched to chest and eyes wide like he’d just stared into the sun for too long.

You watched him go, lips twitching with amusement. Ryomen  Sukuna didn’t. His scarlet gaze never left you. “You’re wearing it now, aren’t you?” he asked, voice low.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, my love.” you teased, rising to your feet and deliberately turning away, just slow enough for him to notice the cling of the fabric beneath your hoodie.

His next growl practically echoed down the corridor. “Oh, you’re going to regret that, baby.”

You looked over your shoulder, smiled, and added, “Catch me first.”

epilogue

Another win. Another brutal set dominated by Sukuna’s spikes, blocks, and terrifying court presence. He should be basking in the usual press attention right now. The game stats, strategies, MVP chants echoing through the stadium.

Instead, it’s something else for him tonight. Instead, he sat at the post-game press table for the first time, feeling that different vibe. He could feel his jaw clenched, arms folded across his broad chest.

He was narrowly flanked by the head coach and two teammates, all the while the reporters all but vibrated with their raised hands and nosy grins. The first question wasn’t even remotely about the game.

“Yes, uh, Sukuna-san, good evening.” It was when a new young reporter began, trying not to smile too obviously. “Congratulations on the win once again. More importantly…Has your wife ranked your hobbies yet?”

A wave of laughter rippled through the room. Sukuna stared at them. Slowly. “I thought this was a volleyball press conference.” he said darkly. “Must be in the wrong room, huh?”

“Come on, Sukuna-san!” another chimed in, undeterred. “The TikTok from last week has over five million views. You’ve been dubbed ‘Volleyball’s Most Jealous Husband’! Care to comment?”

“Dubbed by who?”

“Most of Japan. And parts of the South-east Asia.” Someone offered helpfully. “I think some parts of Central Asia too!”

“It’s trending in Europe and the US now!” Another supplies, with a grin.

Another reporter laughs. “Asia now too—Oh, Africa too!”

"Oh, South America now too!" The other reporter in the back says. His eyes was shining. "Ohhhhh, there's edits now!"

The teammate next to him stifled a laugh behind his water bottle. Sukuna’s eyes twitched. He shakes his head, taking a moment to compose himself. He lifts his head, lifting the water bottle and starting to drink.

“I really should stop doing things like this at all. I can’t stand you all like this.”

Another reporter raised her hand with a barely concealed grin. “Is it true your wife wore the tank top again this week?”

Sukuna inhaled sharply through his nose. “That information is classified.”

More laughter. “But Sukuna–san, does this mean that you have to get a new supply?”

“That’s not going to be paid by you, is it?”

The coach cleared his throat gently. “If we could focus on—”

“Just one more question, please?” begged a voice from the back. “Is it true you showed up to her yoga class yesterday and almost fought the instructor?”

Ryomen Sukuna didn’t answer at first. His darkened scarlet gaze dropped to the table. Then, with the slow menace of a man who has zero regrets, he leaned into the mic and said in a low, gravelly tone to them.

“I’ll fight anyone who touches her shoulders and breathes like that again.”

The press room exploded. Flashes. Giggles. A round of applause. The coach buried his face in his hands. This is what he’s had to deal with for years. For a moment, he couldn’t help but reflect on how he ended up here. Just as much as Sukuna has. 

“Next question.” Sukuna barked over the chaos.

A hand shot up. “Are you planning to do a couples TikTok next—?”

“No. Never again. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Next.”

Another raised their hand, and stood up with a mic on hand. “Can you ask your wife if she’ll do a ranking of your best uniform looks?”

“She already did.” Sukuna muttered, not realizing his mic was still hot. “But I’m not sharing everything on that.”

That got everyone quiet. Ryomen Sukuna had answered that way too quickly. People couldn’t help but grin and whisper when he was lowering his head again, his ears reddened at the thought that he had started another situation he wanted to get out of, immediately.

“Wait—what ranked first?” a reporter whispered, practically leaning over the desk.

Sukuna shifted in his chair, visibly uncomfortable. “...The away kit.”

“Why?” A journalist furrowed their brow.

Another pause. Then another looked at him, raising their hand. “Yeah…..is there….Is there a reason?”

“Because…..” he ground out, glaring at the far wall. “She said the gray makes my thighs look ‘criminal’ and it makes her feel like….kicking her feet. Her words, not mine.”

An uproar of laughter. Cameras clicking. Someone openly fanned themselves. He stood abruptly, clearing his throat. He was even more red now than ever before. Almost as red as the color of his eyes, which narrowed.

“Alright, you guys have no volleyball questions. We’re done here.”

As he stormed offstage, reporters shouting behind him, his phone buzzed. It was a message from you. He gulped, trying to gather himself.

He sighs deeply as he unlocks his screen again. You have too much time on your hands right now. And he knew you were intently, closely, watching on your phone.

[📸 image attached: you in his away jersey, barefoot, mug of tea in hand]

“Your wife wasn’t wrong, sir.” ❤️

Ryomen Sukuna stopped in the hallway and stared at the screen, deadpan. He muttered under his breath, feeling himself too warm for his own good.

He lets his hand rest on his lips, trying to control himself for a moment. The red eyed man steadies himself, his mind calculating how quickly he could get home as soon as possible.

“…....God help the next man who asks about my thighs.”

[frownyalfred]

Hi. I'm not a canon purist and enjoy some fanon content very much, but I do think people in the fandom should at least familiarize themselves with the canon content and source material. It's easier to break the "rules" so to speak and experiment with canon when you know what that actually is. I've noticed a lot of fans that are only familiar with fanon criticise content that doesn't line up with what they believe to be canon but isn't. The Red Hood for example. I've seen writers who portray him as the violent criminal he is in much of the canon be completely decimated by Jason fans who only know fanon and the retconned version of Red Hood and completely deny canon even exists and refuse to even glance at the comics. Transformative works are important and playing in the sandbox is for everyone but fandom literally cannot exist without canon. Canon is important and people can do whatever they want with it but they should respect it enough to at least look at it.

Hi anon, I'm going to hold your hand as I say this, and I will say it as gently as I can: This is still a form of canon purism.

We can absolutely agree that readers shouldn't berate or abuse writers for how they choose to portray characters in fic, whether that's a more canon-faithful characterization or a popular fanon version. If readers don't like how a character is portrayed, we should encourage them to hit the back button instead.

I want to draw your attention to some of the words you used in your ask above: "should" "respect" "decimated" etc. Those are some strong words to describe how you think people need to behave, in order to exist in fandom. Of course, there is no fandom without canon source material -- I'm not denying that. But with such a wide and varied canon, the DC fandom has examples of the Red Hood you mention above, AND the "retconned" version you also reference. Both are canon, as in actually, officially, canon. WFA is canon, and that Red Hood looks very different from the Red Hood you describe.

Now, I think your issue is that you enjoy a certain version of canon, and you're frustrated that the fandom doesn't also, as trends ebb and flow, enjoy that canon as much as you do. Again, I want to acknowledge that just because a certain version is popular, it doesn't give folks the right to berate authors for writing a different version. But again, I don't think that's what we're really talking about here. From your ask's tone, I think you're suggesting that people should, in order to participate in fandom, read that older canon, that different version, or as you say, "glance at it" before enjoying or writing the fanon version.

Guess what? They actually, really, really, don't have to. It sounds like you have some issues with judging your fellow fandom members who don't read what you do or reference certain canon. But the magic of this fandom is, you can enter it at any point. We're a big pool, and if someone's entry point is the Lego Batman movie and that's it, that's still valid.

Fandom stems from canon, yes, but I almost never hear people talk about movies, or web comics, or other media when they talk about "required reading." It's always a comic. I really wish people would reflect on that before suggesting it as the one true path to being a fan.

The other thing I don't see asks like these reference ever is the reality that sometimes a fandom outstrips its canon material, and that that's an eventuality in some spaces. Fanon interpretations become popular, and people write about those specific characterizations or scenarios. They ebb and flow, like I mentioned, and some are more canon-faithful than others. Some completely reject canon, and again -- it's still fandom. It doesn't make it better or worse than a more canon-faithful fic. It's just different.

I had a couple asks about this topic a few weeks ago, and I'm assuming you haven't read those or you likely wouldn't have sent me this ask. But in them, I discuss how sometimes we need to suck it up and be unhappy that canon-faithful fics aren't as popular in a fandom at a specific time, and stop punishing fellow fans for writing and enjoying those fics. And we really need to stop shitting on them publicly on Tumblr.

Because often, what you're really saying is that you wish more people would write more canon-faithful fics, and stop writing ones about fanon topics you don't enjoy or think are accurate. And to that, I again say, there is nothing you can or should do to change that behavior from others. If you want to read it, write it, enjoy it, etc, do it yourself. Build the comic-faithful community here, write fics and promote challenges, create a discord channel and discuss your "required reading" there.

We are all writing and reading fanfiction at the end of the day. It is a great equalizer in many ways. My silly Lego Batman fic is just as valid as a canon-faithful rewrite of a certain Batman issue. One is not better than the other, or more deserving of respect. You will never get me to admit otherwise on this blog.

tl;dr: people should absolutely not berate authors who choose to write canon-faithful characterizations. however, there are layers of judgement and disdain many DC comics canon-faithful authors/readers have for their fellow fans that I think we need to examine critically in order to coexist respectfully.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Some General Notes, Week 1

(in no particular order, no you don't have to agree, no they're not "the right answer", no I'm not going to argue. They're just my thoughts!)

-What I definitely enjoyed seeing was (the discomfort and frustration of, rightfully so!) people realizing just how much writing and character design go hand in hand, when told they could not consider the writing! Context is a beast, isn't it? People unfortunately judge with their eyes a lot faster than they bother to read and comprehend (‼️‼️‼️) and so sometimes we have to think about what we've drawn, and what we're trying to or could possibly SAY with that design. It doesn't have to be super detailed, but little things can go a long way.

-White folk tended to overcorrect, with more negative opinions about certain designs than Black and NB fans of color. I don't think it came from a bad place, as much as a place of concern with some lack of understanding.

-Black viewers are overall quite gracious about Black character design if it looks like you cared enough to try (contrary to popular Tumblr and Societal Belief, we don't bite!) But it did sometimes feel that it was to the point of being too nice. There are a lot of Black people who will accept the bare minimum just to feel included, and I hope to one day see less of that. We deserve the effort!

-Measured in three separate groups, we actually tend to be on the same page about design! We won't see the end result of the polls til next week (sorry ahead of time about the poll notification onslaught) so I could be wrong, but usually after the first thirty minutes, our bars tended to trend similarly from what I saw. This is likely due to the bias of my userbase; I'm sure if this poll reached The Unfortunate Masses of Fan Racists, it would be different. We shall see!

-There is usually a beginning wave of NB fans of color that actually find designs better than Black people will, which I found interesting, but then it evens out over time.

-Professional artists seem to be real big fans of the fade. The fade and the killmonger. The fade is funny because fades have been around for decades, and no one ever cared this much, but suddenly there are fades every other character. I wish there were more teeny weeny afros and short locs and just loose curls. Twists too!

-A lot of people were surprised about some characters who were supposed to be Black (and actually were). Which is telling, both on your side as the viewer and their side as the artists! Because that means something was not conveyed, communicated, or understood when you consumed that media!

-Black folk, I love y'all, I'm saying this kindly and I want you to hear me: I think there were times where your emotional attachment to the design affected your answers, even when told to only base it off visuals (e.g., yes, I know that particular character wears wigs! I know that's in the writing! I hear y'all! But unfortunately, when told to look at that character with the pictures provided, without the writing, given the genre, no, that is not an apparent piece of information. I am sorry.)

-I think NB fans of color especially understood this concept, which is just because a character isn't Black doesn't mean they aren't still a person of color. I say that to mean, some of these people felt ambiguously brown to a point that yes, they could be anyone else! 80% of the blue haired characters submitted (and the majority of the gacha ones) fell into this category, imo. Like, we should not all have to share the One Brown for Representation.

-I definitely didn't think that people would assume that the answers were "is this design Black, nonblack, or white"... I must admit that it doesn't make much sense to me 😅 it explained some of the answers I saw, though. Felt like some folks had to be trolling. Unfortunate, not something I can control once posted. Moving on.

-I do wish more people understood that this was meant to be a thought exercise moreso than "this is the right answer" (though sometimes, there was a right answer lmao. Beau is trash IDC.) It's not to gauge "do you know" as much as "based off of what you know, what would you say". It's for you (and me) to gauge where you are! It's okay to realize that you don't know what you don't know!

[madridfangirl]

Three is a crowd!

Jude bellingham blurb.

Jude gets jealous to see his girlfriend with her admirer at a party. And he makes his feelings known.

...............................................................

Jude took one final look at himself in the mirror. Satisfied, he quickly picked up the gift bag and headed out for the party. He was late, but he could still make it for some time.

It was Roma’s birthday. Her boyfriend was in town for the week so she had decided to throw a small pool party at one of their colleague’s places. Of course, with Roma, nothing was small, not really. A cozy gathering meant for close friends & colleagues had turned into a guest list of 50+, as Ananya had huffed exasperatingly.

But hey, it was her day, and she quite liked to be treated as a princess on her day, so everyone just played along. Even Chris, who was a lot like Ananya in terms of keeping things small & private, had agreed wholeheartedly that it was a great plan. Roma sometimes joked that Chris should be with Ananya and she should be with Jude, given how similar their personalities were. 

Jude was also looking forward to see his girlfriend, who he hadn’t seen much of in the last few days because she was busy planning the party for her best friend. And with Roma, it was more of a birthday week than just one day so a lot was going on in their apartment. 

He had recently gone public with Ananya, just over two weeks ago, in early August, shortly post the Euros. After a lot of deliberation, they figured it was the right time. Ananya had gotten into Stanford and was leaving for the US mid-September, where the scrutiny would be much lesser than Madrid. And she was already on notice period in her office, so the impact on her work situation would be subdued too. Big tournaments were over, it was the beginning of a new season, so no expectation per se of being seen together in big matches. And Jude really really wanted to do this before she left for 2 long years. He had managed to convince her it was the right time, and she couldn’t deny the logic. 

The act of going public was via a photo Jude had posted on his story, of the two of them. Jobe had clicked it at their family home in Birmingham a few months ago - a simple shot of them sitting together outdoors for barbecue, Jude’s arm around her shoulders and her head resting slightly on his shoulder, a happy smile on their faces, eyes sparkling with contentment. Ananya had diligently gone through all their photos to pick the absolute appropriate one, and Jude agreed with the choice. 

Along with the photo was a caption of Jude announcing that he was seeing her, but no tag was made to her private account. And there was an explicit request for privacy, stating she is a private person. The expected backlash came, but not as much as she was anticipating. There was obviously a lot of immediate interest in knowing more about her but there wasn’t anything on the internet since her insta was private & she wasn’t on other socials. So the fan pages & gossip sites didn’t have much to go on after a week and the trending went down. Gradually, most fans turned quite vociferous that the couple should get the privacy that they were requesting for, after they realised this was not some stunt & the pair genuinely wanted to keep it low key. In fact, people respected the fact that he was announcing his commitment & not playing any games with them or the media. And they respected it even more that the girl wanted no part of this limelight, that she was actually a normal girl. Well, most people did. There was of course the lot who called her too simple & basic and thoroughly undeserving of their prince. 

Jude had offered to get her security for the time she was in Madrid but she wanted to just stay normal. They had agreed to revisit it if things got crazy, but thankfully it didn’t, since Jude & his team were super tight-lipped about her & the house stance was there will be no further comment on this. So even the tabloids didn’t have much to go on beyond the speculative pieces. She had conceded to let Agnes be her dedicated chauffeur though, out of concern for people recognising her on the streets or in the metro. 

Her office had been another story. It was right in the heart of Madrid and people were simply stunned with this development. On the first day back at work, a random woman who Ananya had never seen before sat next to her in the cafeteria and straight up asked how Jude was in bed. Ananya was tongue-tied. Then, Roma stood up to give a cutting speech for people to drop their creepiness and get a life. Post that, the murmurs at the back continued but folks didn’t bother asking her this stuff directly. 

Some girls were red with jealousy, in sheer disbelief of how someone ‘plain’ like Ananya could land Jude or where they would have even met. It initially bothered Ananya, but with Roma’s help she eventually started finding it amusing. Of course with her close girl gang she still had to answer a lot of questions, with their giggling faces staring at her, but that was something she didn’t think she could ever get out of.

Jude was super present during that first week, calling / texting her every few hours, to the point of annoying her. But she appreciated the nagging; she knew he was doing it to distract her and it worked. Overall, the going public thing had gone as smoothly as was realistically possible in their situation. 

And tonight would be the first time they would be out together, outside of their closest friends or his family. Jude was quite looking forward to it. She didn’t know he was going to be there, since he had an overlapping shoot, but it got done quickly & he wanted to surprise her. Well, Roma too, but mostly her.

‘Hey man, wassup?’

Chris greeted him warmly when he entered. Chris was an American & not a football fan, so was quite chill with Jude. 

‘Hey, where’s the birthday girl?’

‘Oh she’s everywhere. Just saw her like 2 mins ago.’

‘And you’re on gate duty?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Figures.’

‘Oh my god YOU MADE IT.’

Roma dashed from across the room and hugged Jude tightly, making him smile.

‘What a welcome. And Happy Birthdayyy!’

‘Thank you. And what do we have here?’

She looked at the bag curiously, spotting the RM logo on it. Jude handed it to her, and fully expected the resulting shriek when she saw the signed Zidane jersey inside.

‘I LOVE YOU. OH MY GOD. Best day of my life.’

Jude & Chris smiled at her antics as she spun around with joy while hugging the jersey. Shortly after, Jude excused himself to find his girl, making his way to the pool where Roma had last seen her.

But he froze in the doorway. Because she was there, with HIM.

The last person Jude ever wanted to see in this world, was standing next to his girlfriend, immersed in a deep conversation. Her full attention was on him, nodding along, as if he had just discovered all the unknown secrets of the universe & was sharing his findings. What a fucking leech!

Jude had done a fantastic job of just zoning this guy out from their lives. They never talked about him since that Christmas cabin visit. Even though he knew they saw each other at work every day. The understanding was that she would tell him if anything major ever happens with that guy or anyone else. She hadn’t said anything, so Jude knew nothing of note had happened. But unfortunately, that didn’t mean that he stopped existing. Around her. Coz he was still very much there. And this moment just made it too fucking real. 

If it were up to Jude, that guy won’t ever be in the 10km radius of her. Obviously, at work, he couldn’t control that. But there was no fucking way he was going to let this little scene continue here. Hell no. It was time to show that irritating insect his place.

Ananya felt Jude’s presence, a shift in the air, a whiff of his cologne, before she felt his hand on her waist, turning her slightly towards him, into his side.

‘Hey baby.’

He said in an audible sing-song voice. Their eyes met. And in that split second, her eyes urged him to appreciate the situation & be the bigger person but Jude was having none of that. 

His other hand cupped her jaw, and she shut her eyes when Jude tilted her face up & leaned in for a kiss, letting his lips linger for two seconds more than a casual greeting kiss. His hand on her jaw firmly covering the meeting of their lips, shielding her & their moment from that guy’s gaze, somehow managing to make his point yet keeping it private.

Ananya knew fully well what he was doing. But there was nothing she could do. He would never admit his little ploy and would throw something like ‘what I can’t kiss my girlfriend?’ or ‘what’s your excuse now?’

And she had no logical reason. Because the argument to be sensitive to Arjun’s feelings would be a non-starter for Jude. 

Also, even after 10 months together, she still got a little lightheaded when he held her & kissed her like this. Her hand automatically clutched his shirt lightly as he kept her steady with his hold on her waist. She sighed a little when he broke the kiss, still leaning into him, holding on to him, needing a moment to recover while Jude dropped his hand from her face and turned to look at the immobile guy standing in front of them.

Arjun felt bile rise in his throat in real time. He wanted to run, but felt like his feet had been plastered into the ground. 

Jude fucking Bellingham was standing in front of him. Kissing the girl who had stolen his heart so badly that he was still trying to put the pieces back together. 

His favourite player of the season, from his lifelong favourite club, was dating the girl of his dreams. The girl who was simply perfect for him in every which way. But had chosen to go with the guy who already had so much. Way too much, yet he took her too. 

How was it fair? It was like some super-natural forces of the universe aligned to make her pick him. She wasn’t like that, not her. In fact she hated such intrusive attention. The connection had to be that deep for her to be willing to deal with all that came with it, and even go public with him.

The last thought made him sick. But Arjun recovered quickly when Jude turned to look at him.

An awkward staring contest ensued. Neither men breaking it. Jude didn’t want to and Arjun didn’t know how to. 

It just hit Arjun what his current favourite player must have thought of him all these months, & none of those would have been remotely pleasant thoughts. It also soured the Clasico experience for him. Watching it live at the Bernabeu was one of his most treasured memories, but now he understood how they were in the VIP box and who she was with that night when Arjun & others were out partying after the match. It made him look at it in a very different light. That was the night he had lost her. 

Not that he ever had her, or even tried to. For weeks before that night, he had thought of asking her out. His best friend had nudged him multiple times. But Arjun believed that rushing things with her won’t go well. She needed time & space to first get to know him, only after that he could make a move. 

But lo & behold, rules of the game didn’t apply to this privileged golden boy. He came out of nowhere & swept her off her feet. What were the odds? But clearly his luck defied all odds. What a surprise! A cruel joke!

It also wasn’t lost on him where Jude’s hand was firmly planted - below her waist but right above her butt. Like only a boyfriend could. He looked away, he just had to.

Ananya had recovered by then & tugged on Jude’s shirt lightly to break the deafening silence. He complied with a curt nod to Arjun.

‘Jude.’

No handshake, no warm side-hug. A very un-like Jude kinda greeting. 

Arjun almost wanted to scoff. Like he didn’t know who Jude was. Actually, he wished he didn’t know him. Watching him on his screen every match would be painful now. 

‘Arjun.’

He nodded back. Ananya was secretly glad that Arjun didn’t lose his bearing in front of Jude. Most guys would have in this situation, especially when Jude was being kinda brattish. 

The two men couldn’t have been more different. Jude was dressed head to toe in a chic designer ensemble, oozing natural ease & confidence, while Arjun was in a sharp formal shirt & trousers, measured & classy. 

She tried to come up with something smart to say, anything to cut the tension here, but her brain betrayed her at the worst possible moment. So she took an easy way out.

‘Umm let’s get a drink Jude?’

The said man turned towards her, and his gaze softened immediately as he nodded.

She grabbed his arm & started leading him towards the bar, away from the scene.

‘See you tomorrow!’

Ananya bid her goodbye politely to Arjun.

‘Yeah let’s continue where we left off.’

That irked Jude. A lot. He almost wanted to turn around & say something, but Ananya was diligently dragging him away. Well, she was trying. So he swallowed his irritation & played along. A drink won’t hurt at this time.

Thankfully, they found a fairly tipsy Roma at the bar, and her overjoyed mood rubbed off on the rest. Ananya felt the tension in Jude’s posture ease gradually, and his arm wrapped around her shoulders from behind. She leaned back into him, and allowed herself to drown in the merriment around her. Later, Roma dragged the group to the makeshift dance floor as the DJ blared one hit after the other.

After dancing & drinking their hearts out, Roma & Ananya somehow found themselves hugging each other, swaying to the music. Jude & Chris let them be, enjoying their drinks, and were on catching duty in case one of them trips, which looked very likely to them.

‘What a great party!’

‘It really is, isn’t it?’

‘I’m so glad you’re having the best birthday.’

‘Well, I’m with my fav people, so…’

‘Awww.’

‘How’s the ‘I love Ananya’ club going?’

Ananya rolled her eyes loudly & lightly smacked her arm, but Roma just shrugged & laughed.

‘Not too bad I guess.’

‘Has Jude tried to hit him?’

‘NO.’

‘Curse him?’

‘NO.’

‘Has he tried to drag you to the washroom to take you then & there?’

‘Oh god no.’

‘So it’s going pretty good then.’

‘I guess so.’

Jude decided to intervene in that moment, wrapping an arm each around both of them.

‘Heard my name. Missing me much?’

‘Think of the devil…..’

Roma said dramatically.

‘Pls, you love me. And a bit more after today.’

When Ananya enquired what they were referring to, Roma mentioned the signed jersey, and Ananya immediately turned to look at Jude, crossing her arms.

‘There’s one waiting for you at home. Did you really think I’d forget about you?’

She smiled, untangled herself from Roma & went to give Jude a big hug, which he reciprocated immediately. And Roma left the lovebirds alone to attend other guests.

It was that time of the night when the people were high and music had mellowed down to match the vibe. Ananya’s face was buried in his chest, tucked under his chin, as he held her & swayed her lightly to the tune.

‘Are people looking?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘But….’

‘Doesn’t matter babe. And no, not too much actually.’

‘Hmmm.’

Jude slowly caressed her back, which relaxed her & she sighed into his chest, losing herself in the moment again. She could do that, drink freely & not worry about a thing, coz Jude was here now. 

Arjun had tried very hard to keep the happy couple out of his sight, since that puke inducing moment. He even tried to respond to the advances of a hot blonde girl he had never seen before, who was talking like a 7 yr old for some reason, but Arjun tried to focus more on the hotness piece for now. And how she was half falling over him, rubbing his arm repeatedly. 

Despite his best efforts, his eyes flicked at times towards her. What hit him more was not so much the kiss (it was painful, no question) but the deep emotional intimacy & connection she seemed to share with the other guy. 

The way she smiled at him; it was the same smile Arjun had seen many times in the office when she looked at a text on her phone or went to take a quick call in one of the empty conference rooms. 

The way her skin flushed at his suggestive touches, or when he leaned over to whisper something teasing in her ear. (Arjun had to fight to not imagine how flushed she would get in other situations.)

The way she melted into his arms, fully in sync, moving when he moved, sharing an unspoken language with him, talking through their eyes. So fucking palpably in love. 

But she looked happy. At peace. How could he ever be mad at that? How could he ever wish for that to go away? He couldn’t.

Arjun did wonder though what Jude did to deserve such unconditional bond with her. DID HE DESERVE it at all? He was a footballer after all - a young, rich, popular, handsome one whose fame had just skyrocketed. Their history with women was no secret, nor was their lifestyle. Even in the last year, there were multiple articles about him speculating his relationships. Was he cheating on her & manipulating her to believe otherwise? Coz she won’t tolerate cheating, Arjun knew she would walk away. So why then did she choose to stick with him? When it was quite obvious how this would end. One day, he’d hurt her. Bad. And she, of all people, didn’t deserve it. Arjun just wished she sees that soon, before she gets too attached. But it looked like that ship had already sailed.

The blonde girl was making heart eyes at him by now, after blabbering something about wanting to take a drive, and that was his cue to get the fuck out of this party. Away from the sight of them.

Ananya swayed in Jude’s arms for god knows how long. She was relieved at how he had calmed down, and was quite proud of how maturely he had handled the situation after the initial hiccup. But later that night, when they were in the car with Roma & Chris, on their way back from the party, she felt something shift in his mood from the way his hand gripped her thigh, firmly & possessively.

Roma suggested an afterparty at their apartment but Jude intervened decisively to say Ananya & him would head to his place, which was on the way to the girls’ apartment. When they reached, Jude opened the door, extended a hand to help Ananya out & bid goodbye to the other couple. Ananya felt his turmoil from the way he held her hand tightly, and the short walk from their driveway to the main door made her nervous. 

Once inside, when Jude was locking the door & putting the alarm on, Ananya had to think quickly on her feet. When he turned around, she extended her arms towards him, cocking her head to the side, smiling lazily, something she knew he found adorable. Indicating that she wanted to be carried.

Jude looked at her face, then her arms, then back at those pouty lips. His eyes softened & he exhaled sharply, giving in.

When he picked her up, she thought she would be carried upstairs to the comfort of their bed but Jude brought her to the garden, to the edge of the pool.

‘What are we doing here?’

‘Well, you said you had never been thrown in the pool at a pool party.’

But he didn’t throw her in. The pool was only 5 feet & he didn’t wanna risk a bad fall. So he set her down, took off everything he was wearing (barring his briefs) and swiftly slipped inside the pool.

‘Come on in.’

She was wearing a deep blue summer dress, thin straps at the top, fitted till the waist and widely flowing from waist-down till below her knees. 

‘The dress?’

‘Take it off.’

‘We are outside.’

‘It’s dark. Only the porch light is on.’

It was dark. Only moonlight twinkling on the water. Plus the yard had high trees & fences. But it was still outside & it made her nervous. Especially now, when so much attention was on them. She’d be damned if someone saw them half-naked in the pool. 

Jude ducked his head in & emerged back, fully wet, water dripping from his sharp jaw-line & hair.  Eyes only on her. Straight out of a wet obscene dream. Impossible to say no to.

Slowly, she took off the dress, & his hungry gaze landed on her matching deep blue lingerie, escorting her as she stepped inside the pool. He stayed still, letting her come to him.

Ananya wanted to talk about what he was feeling, but Jude had other plans. Wildly different plans.  When she scooted close & cupped his cheeks, staring into his turbulent eyes, Jude caught her wrists, pinning them behind her back firmly, and crashed their lips together in a kiss that made her hot all over in the cool water.

He let her wrists go, moving his hands to her boobs, squeezing them hard, taking off the wretched garment covering the sweet mounds, tearing his mouth away from her lips to suck the hardening nubs. She gasped at the sudden intensity, trying to hold on to his shoulders to anchor herself, but his actions were rapid, not letting her settle.

‘Jude…honey….pls look at me….’

She tried to cup his cheeks again, but Jude lifted her by her waist & placed her on the steps, spreading her legs wide apart. Her panties were ripped off in seconds and she grabbed the railing on the steps when Jude moved his mouth between her lags, lapping at her with a pace that made her want to scream. And she did scream when he ate her out relentlessly, making her wet for more than one reason. 

The intensity of his mouth made her clutch the back of his head, trying to slow him down but Jude grabbed her hips harshly and used the angle to double down, not coming up till he completely shattered her, making her scream his name in agony mixed with ecstasy, forcing her to peak over & over with the force of his will. Only stopping when she fell forward, catching her before she slipped, letting her rest against his torso as she panted into his chest. Sweaty wet bodies squished together.

He let her catch her breath, threading his fingers through her hair absentmindedly, before backing her against the wall of the pool, lifting her by the butt to wrap her legs around his waist, and lowering himself inside her with a few quick, precise strokes.

They were face to face now, her arms around his neck, as he briskly moved inside her, manoeuvring her lower body to constantly hit different angles, making her gasp with almost each stroke. 

Her nails dug into his shoulders as she weakly pressed her lips against his, breathing into his mouth. 

‘I love you.’

She whispered. And he just thrusted harder, sending shockwaves through her body. 

‘Jude….I love you.’

He tensed, following it up with another frenzied thrust.

‘And HE loves you. STILL.’

Ananya shut her eyes, feeling his hurt, while her body thrummed with pleasure. She didn’t want their private moments to be infiltrated by someone else’s thoughts, this should just be about the two of them.

‘Not denying it then?’

She pulled herself apart a bit to look into his stormy eyes - rougher than a tsunami, more intense than the depths of an ocean.

‘You’re….not…letting me…speak..’

He groaned animatedly, only half satisfied with the response, and went back to ravishing her. Usually, when Jude had a task that he set his mind to, he executed it flawlessly. This was no different. His mission to drown his frustration under her breathless moans was playing out to the T. Momentarily, he forgot the pang he felt in his heart when he saw the two of them together. And the realisation that this happened every fucking day. That creature saw her, lurked around her every fucking day. And there was nothing Jude could do about it. 

She came again, screaming his name, her walls squeezing him deliciously, wrangling his high out of him too. Coating her insides fully, not separating till he was convinced she won’t drip.

Jude helped her out of the pool, on to the lounger on the side, and slowly tapped at her soaked form with a towel. She took over a few moments later, and he went to fetch a towel for himself.

When her senses recovered, she wrapped the towel around herself & quickly looked around to find any sign of anyone possibly watching them, but as Jude had meticulously explained so many times, it wasn’t possible. Someone could have heard her though, she was convinced she sounded like a cat that ran under a car.

Her boyfriend was drying himself a few steps away, his back to her. His words were still playing at the back of her mind. She stood up gently, her legs a bit wobbly still, and hugged him from behind, resting her face on his broad back.

He sighed, covering her hand with his.

‘You okay?’

‘More than ok. Coz I’m with you.’

When he didn’t say anything, she walked around him to look at his pretty (& still wet) face, finally cupping his cheeks softly and pulling him down for a lingering kiss. 

‘Take me to bed now?’

‘Yeah.’

She was lifted bridal style again, and she smiled this time, loving the princess treatment. Walking away, she could vaguely see their undergarments just floating in the pool, & made a mental note of fixing that later. She’d absolutely die if the housekeeper finds them like that.

When they passed the kitchen on their way up, Jude asked if she wanted to have something, given she had a fair bit to drink. But she just wanted to hold him & kiss him & tell him how much she loved him. Why it didn’t matter what a third person might feel. This was just about the two of them.

He laid her on the bed, and she pulled him down next to her, curling into his side, placing soft kisses on his chest.

‘My baby.’

She cooed to him, reaching up to caress his face, showering him with affection before broaching the sensitive topic.

Jude’s head was still all over the place. And her soft, inviting body rubbing against his made his blood rush south. Fast & hard. He was nowhere close to being done with her, not tonight.

When Jude pulled her towel off, flipped her to get on top, pinning her hands over her head (all in a few seconds), she squirmed & wriggled underneath him, breaking away from his kiss. That offended him, deeply.

‘What?’

‘Wait…pls wait.’

‘We should talk first.’

‘About what?’

‘You know what.’

‘I don’t want to. Not now. Later.’

He dove in again and she evaded his mouth again. 

‘SERIOUSLY? You’re saying no to me now?’

Jude wasn’t used to that. She had never refused him when he was in such a mood and needed her badly. His mind obviously linked it to an unpleasant reason, & she saw the hurt instantly on his face.

Agitated, he rolled away from her, sitting up on the bed. She sat up too, pulling the sheet around herself, and shifted next to him, speaking softly. 

‘I’m not saying no. Just saying we should talk first.’

‘And I’m saying I don’t wanna talk right now. That counts for nothing?’

‘It’s not good to bottle things between us, baby. It’s not healthy.’

‘I will just fucking end up saying something that would get you mad. Can’t you see that?’

‘I won’t get mad. Wanna hear what’s in your heart.’

She moved to caress his back but he stood up abruptly to pace around the bed.

‘I HATE HIM.’

‘I know.’

‘I HATE that he’s with you every fucking day. Looking at you. Fantasising about you. Fucking son of a…’

‘Jude. I hear you. And I get it. But pls believe me when I say this - I’ve never felt uncomfortable around him. A girl knows, she just knows. He’s not like that.’

He stopped pacing & crossed his arms, staring straight at her.

‘Oh he’s not, yeah?’

‘Yes, he’s not. If I would have felt uncomfortable even once, I would have done something about it. Remember our deal? I said I’d come to you if there ever was anything - but it’s just not true. Not when he was….when he had….feelings. And not now, when he has moved on.’

Jude looked at her like a detective investigating a criminal.

‘How do know he has moved on?’

Ananya took a deep breath to calm herself. Did he think she was keeping tabs or something? 

‘Roma told me he’s been on a few dates. Even with women in our office.’

‘How do you know those are dates & not hook-ups?’

‘How does that even matter?’

Jude scoffed like she asked him something silly, which irked her.

‘Hook-ups are for sex. Doesn’t mean he’s over you.’

She looked at him with irritation, looking for something to beat his logic.

‘He’s not the hookups type. At least….I don’t think so.’

This time, Jude simply laughed in her face.

‘Sure, so he’ll just say no to sex yeah? You’re so cute sometimes. I’ve NEVER met a man like that.’

His tone & presumptuousness was starting to get on her nerves now. What was the poor guy supposed to do? Die? Leave the city? His job? Because Jude didn’t like him? It had been 10 months for crying out loud. The world does not revolve around one person. 

‘Not everyone is like….’

She checked herself at the last second, horrified, but Jude pounced on it.

‘Like what? Like me? That’s it, isn’t it? You think he’s better than me, don’t you? Morally superior, high Indian values and all that? Someone you can take to your parents easily? Where you don’t have to set the ground for MONTHS and even then want to wait for the right time for an in-person meeting, like in our case? SAY IT ANANYA.’

She flinched at his words and the hurt in his voice. Shaken, she rushed to him, throwing her arms around him desperately, whispering sorry into his chest. He didn’t say anything, but his posture eased, deflated. She dragged him to the edge of the bed, making him sit down & then climbed into his lap, kissing all over his face.

‘I’m sorry honey. Didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry.’

She kissed his face again, and he loosely wrapped his arms around her.

Ananya cupped his cheeks and made him look into her eyes.

‘Listen to me. No third person can come between us, not anymore. No one can sway us, unless our intent is to cheat. Do you think I want to?’

‘No.’

‘Then that’s it. Whatever he or anyone else might feel is irrelevant. You can hate him & you’re justified, I won’t stop you.’

‘But you don’t hate him.’

‘I don’t have a reason to.’

‘And you have a soft corner for him, you always defend him. Don’t deny that.’

She wasn’t going to insult his intelligence by denying that.

‘Maybe.’

‘Why? What has it always been there?’

‘Initially, coz he was kind, respectful & not chauvinistic. It’s rare in my field, believe me. And then later…..’

She had to pick her words carefully, especially when Jude was watching her like a hawk.

‘Maybe I feel guilty….for hurting him unknowingly. And I am thankful that he respected my choice & never made me uncomfortable. That’s also rare in my field, and for men in general.’

‘What if he’s using that to wait in the wings, waiting for me to fuck this up so he can be the knight in shining armour?’

‘He’ll have to keep waiting then.’

‘Can you promise me that?’

‘Promise you what?’

‘That you’ll never be with him. No matter what.’

She looked at his face curiously, thinking over this strange ask. Unfair ask. The feminist in her was screaming inside that it was wildly inappropriate for him to ask her this. He had no right to. What she did if they didn’t end up together was really none of his business. How could he try to dictate her life like that? 

But the girlfriend in her could see that her man was hurting. The way his eyes were twitching, waiting for her response, the way his hands were fidgeting on her back, the nervous gulps, the way his voice broke when he said that last line - Jude was in pain and if it was in her power to soothe him, she was absolutely going to.

‘Ok.’

This caught him off guard. He was 90% sure this would be one of the things that would make her mad. But he knew he wanted this promise from the moment he saw the two of them together.

‘Happy now?’

He shook his head & rested his forehead against hers.

‘Scared.’

‘Why, my love? You have me, all of me.’

‘Feels like you’ll slip away, no matter how hard I try to keep you mine. If it’s not this asshole, it might be some other prick from this super elite school you are going to, a million miles away.’

‘Your fear is growing, coz your love for me is growing. That’s how love works.’

‘It’s wretched.’

‘Sure is.’

‘Do you feel it too, the fear?’

‘All the time. Like at least a million women would kill to be in my place, I know that.’

‘But no one can be you.’

‘And no one can be you.’

‘Man I love you.’

‘Finally. Kept me waiting all day.’

They moved at the same time for a kiss, sighing into each others’ mouth. 

‘Need one more promise.’

‘What now?’

‘You’ll let me fly you down whenever you can spare any time. None of this ‘I can’t splurge on you�� nonsense anymore. It’s not splurging. I NEED you. I fucking need you with me.’

‘Ok.’

‘Don’t go back on this later.’

‘I won’t.’

‘God I’m gonna miss you. How is it just a month? You’ll be gone, and I won’t get to hold you every night, see this face every morning.’

She was trying very hard to hold herself together but this did her in. Her choked voice came in a whisper.

‘And…you think I won’t miss you too?’

A tear rolled down her cheek, jolting him instantly.

‘Hey, hey….shhhhh.’

‘When I’m the one going away, when I’m the one putting us through this, don’t you think I feel guilty?’

‘Oh baby, no, not this. It’s ok.’

He wiped her tears, patting her back slowly.

‘How is it ok, when I wake up in the middle of the night & stare at your sleeping face, and it makes me NOT WANT TO GO?’

With that, all the pent up emotions of last few months came out, along with the waterworks. Jude held her through it, letting her soak his shoulder with her emotions, cooing softly into her ear.

Minutes later, when she calmed down & clung to his chest, an idea struck him.

‘I have the perfect thing to make you feel better.’

She thought he was talking about sleeping. She couldn’t be more wrong.

He wrestled the sheets off from around her, with her still in his lap, and lifted her by her butt to carry her to the large French window in his bedroom.

‘Let’s make new memories together. You get what I mean by ‘new’ yeah?’

‘I always get what you mean. You’re never subtle.’

‘That’s your department. I just take what I want.’

With that, he flipped her naked body & pressed her front to the window, the cold glass making her shudder.

This was not like the pool. It looked into the street. Ananya could see cars passing by and some people too. There were still lights outside.

‘Jude people can….’

‘Dark inside. Lights outside. They can’t see us. Basic science.’

‘But…’

Before she could finish the sentence, he lifted one of her legs to get the right angle & pressed his tip against her entrance, his other hand coming to her front, sliding down to rub circles on her clit. Shutting her up. For words at least.

For the next half hour, she was pushed & thrusted against the window, her body & laboured breaths painting the glass with marks. As he moved her like he owned her. And maybe he did. And maybe she liked that.

Later that night, Jude woke her up with kisses down her back, starting from that spot right at the back of her neck which immediately made her gooey. Her sleepy eyes, groggy voice & messy hair spread across the pillow turning him on even more. Telling her that since they only had a month left before she leaves, they had to make their time extra efficient. Basic logic. She quipped that it was ‘basic Jude logic’ but shifted readily on her back to invite him in & even helped him to get ‘ready’ quickly. Like he knew she would. Like they were perfectly in sync, as Arjun had so righty observed.

.....................................

There you go. 6.4k words.

I came back after a long time & enjoyed writing this.

Jude took one final look at himself in the mirror. Satisfied, he quickly picked up the gift bag and headed out for the party. He was late, but he could still make it for some time.

It was Roma’s birthday. Her boyfriend was in town for the week so she had decided to throw a small pool party at one of their colleague’s places. Of course, with Roma, nothing was small, not really. A cozy gathering meant for close friends & colleagues had turned into a guest list of 50+, as Ananya had huffed exasperatingly.

But hey, it was her day, and she quite liked to be treated as a princess on her day, so everyone just played along. Even Chris, who was a lot like Ananya in terms of keeping things small & private, had agreed wholeheartedly that it was a great plan. Roma sometimes joked that Chris should be with Ananya and she should be with Jude, given how similar their personalities were. 

Jude was also looking forward to see his girlfriend, who he hadn’t seen much of in the last few days because she was busy planning the party for her best friend. And with Roma, it was more of a birthday week than just one day so a lot was going on in their apartment. 

He had recently gone public with Ananya, just over two weeks ago, in early August, shortly post the Euros. After a lot of deliberation, they figured it was the right time. Ananya had gotten into Stanford and was leaving for the US mid-September, where the scrutiny would be much lesser than Madrid. And she was already on notice period in her office, so the impact on her work situation would be subdued too. Big tournaments were over, it was the beginning of a new season, so no expectation per se of being seen together in big matches. And Jude really really wanted to do this before she left for 2 long years. He had managed to convince her it was the right time, and she couldn’t deny the logic. 

The act of going public was via a photo Jude had posted on his story, of the two of them. Jobe had clicked it at their family home in Birmingham a few months ago - a simple shot of them sitting together outdoors for barbecue, Jude’s arm around her shoulders and her head resting slightly on his shoulder, a happy smile on their faces, eyes sparkling with contentment. Ananya had diligently gone through all their photos to pick the absolute appropriate one, and Jude agreed with the choice. 

Along with the photo was a caption of Jude announcing that he was seeing her, but no tag was made to her private account. And there was an explicit request for privacy, stating she is a private person. The expected backlash came, but not as much as she was anticipating. There was obviously a lot of immediate interest in knowing more about her but there wasn’t anything on the internet since her insta was private & she wasn’t on other socials. So the fan pages & gossip sites didn’t have much to go on after a week and the trending went down. Gradually, most fans turned quite vociferous that the couple should get the privacy that they were requesting for, after they realised this was not some stunt & the pair genuinely wanted to keep it low key. In fact, people respected the fact that he was announcing his commitment & not playing any games with them or the media. And they respected it even more that the girl wanted no part of this limelight, that she was actually a normal girl. Well, most people did. There was of course the lot who called her too simple & basic and thoroughly undeserving of their prince. 

Jude had offered to get her security for the time she was in Madrid but she wanted to just stay normal. They had agreed to revisit it if things got crazy, but thankfully it didn’t, since Jude & his team were super tight-lipped about her & the house stance was there will be no further comment on this. So even the tabloids didn’t have much to go on beyond the speculative pieces. She had conceded to let Agnes be her dedicated chauffeur though, out of concern for people recognising her on the streets or in the metro. 

Her office had been another story. It was right in the heart of Madrid and people were simply stunned with this development. On the first day back at work, a random woman who Ananya had never seen before sat next to her in the cafeteria and straight up asked how Jude was in bed. Ananya was tongue-tied. Then, Roma stood up to give a cutting speech for people to drop their creepiness and get a life. Post that, the murmurs at the back continued but folks didn’t bother asking her this stuff directly. 

Some girls were red with jealousy, in sheer disbelief of how someone ‘plain’ like Ananya could land Jude or where they would have even met. It initially bothered Ananya, but with Roma’s help she eventually started finding it amusing. Of course with her close girl gang she still had to answer a lot of questions, with their giggling faces staring at her, but that was something she didn’t think she could ever get out of.

Jude was super present during that first week, calling / texting her every few hours, to the point of annoying her. But she appreciated the nagging; she knew he was doing it to distract her and it worked. Overall, the going public thing had gone as smoothly as was realistically possible in their situation. 

And tonight would be the first time they would be out together, outside of their closest friends or his family. Jude was quite looking forward to it. She didn’t know he was going to be there, since he had an overlapping shoot, but it got done quickly & he wanted to surprise her. Well, Roma too, but mostly her.

‘Hey man, wassup?’

Chris greeted him warmly when he entered. Chris was an American & not a football fan, so was quite chill with Jude. 

‘Hey, where’s the birthday girl?’

‘Oh she’s everywhere. Just saw her like 2 mins ago.’

‘And you’re on gate duty?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Figures.’

‘Oh my god YOU MADE IT.’

Roma dashed from across the room and hugged Jude tightly, making him smile.

‘What a welcome. And Happy Birthdayyy!’

‘Thank you. And what do we have here?’

She looked at the bag curiously, spotting the RM logo on it. Jude handed it to her, and fully expected the resulting shriek when she saw the signed Zidane jersey inside.

‘I LOVE YOU. OH MY GOD. Best day of my life.’

Jude & Chris smiled at her antics as she spun around with joy while hugging the jersey. Shortly after, Jude excused himself to find his girl, making his way to the pool where Roma had last seen her.

But he froze in the doorway. Because she was there, with HIM.

The last person Jude ever wanted to see in this world, was standing next to his girlfriend, immersed in a deep conversation. Her full attention was on him, nodding along, as if he had just discovered all the unknown secrets of the universe & was sharing his findings. What a fucking leech!

Jude had done a fantastic job of just zoning this guy out from their lives. They never talked about him since that Christmas cabin visit. Even though he knew they saw each other at work every day. The understanding was that she would tell him if anything major ever happens with that guy or anyone else. She hadn’t said anything, so Jude knew nothing of note had happened. But unfortunately, that didn’t mean that he stopped existing. Around her. Coz he was still very much there. And this moment just made it too fucking real. 

If it were up to Jude, that guy won’t ever be in the 10km radius of her. Obviously, at work, he couldn’t control that. But there was no fucking way he was going to let this little scene continue here. Hell no. It was time to show that irritating insect his place.

Ananya felt Jude’s presence, a shift in the air, a whiff of his cologne, before she felt his hand on her waist, turning her slightly towards him, into his side.

‘Hey baby.’

He said in an audible sing-song voice. Their eyes met. And in that split second, her eyes urged him to appreciate the situation & be the bigger person but Jude was having none of that. 

His other hand cupped her jaw, and she shut her eyes when Jude tilted her face up & leaned in for a kiss, letting his lips linger for two seconds more than a casual greeting kiss. His hand on her jaw firmly covering the meeting of their lips, shielding her & their moment from that guy’s gaze, somehow managing to make his point yet keeping it private.

Ananya knew fully well what he was doing. But there was nothing she could do. He would never admit his little ploy and would throw something like ‘what I can’t kiss my girlfriend?’ or ‘what’s your excuse now?’

And she had no logical reason. Because the argument to be sensitive to Arjun’s feelings would be a non-starter for Jude. 

Also, even after 10 months together, she still got a little lightheaded when he held her & kissed her like this. Her hand automatically clutched his shirt lightly as he kept her steady with his hold on her waist. She sighed a little when he broke the kiss, still leaning into him, holding on to him, needing a moment to recover while Jude dropped his hand from her face and turned to look at the immobile guy standing in front of them.

Arjun felt bile rise in his throat in real time. He wanted to run, but felt like his feet had been plastered into the ground. 

Jude fucking Bellingham was standing in front of him. Kissing the girl who had stolen his heart so badly that he was still trying to put the pieces back together. 

His favourite player of the season, from his lifelong favourite club, was dating the girl of his dreams. The girl who was simply perfect for him in every which way. But had chosen to go with the guy who already had so much. Way too much, yet he took her too. 

How was it fair? It was like some super-natural forces of the universe aligned to make her pick him. She wasn’t like that, not her. In fact she hated such intrusive attention. The connection had to be that deep for her to be willing to deal with all that came with it, and even go public with him.

The last thought made him sick. But Arjun recovered quickly when Jude turned to look at him.

An awkward staring contest ensued. Neither men breaking it. Jude didn’t want to and Arjun didn’t know how to. 

It just hit Arjun what his current favourite player must have thought of him all these months, & none of those would have been remotely pleasant thoughts. It also soured the Clasico experience for him. Watching it live at the Bernabeu was one of his most treasured memories, but now he understood how they were in the VIP box and who she was with that night when Arjun & others were out partying after the match. It made him look at it in a very different light. That was the night he had lost her. 

Not that he ever had her, or even tried to. For weeks before that night, he had thought of asking her out. His best friend had nudged him multiple times. But Arjun believed that rushing things with her won’t go well. She needed time & space to first get to know him, only after that he could make a move. 

But lo & behold, rules of the game didn’t apply to this privileged golden boy. He came out of nowhere & swept her off her feet. What were the odds? But clearly his luck defied all odds. What a surprise! A cruel joke!

It also wasn’t lost on him where Jude’s hand was firmly planted - below her waist but right above her butt. Like only a boyfriend could. He looked away, he just had to.

Ananya had recovered by then & tugged on Jude’s shirt lightly to break the deafening silence. He complied with a curt nod to Arjun.

‘Jude.’

No handshake, no warm side-hug. A very un-like Jude kinda greeting. 

Arjun almost wanted to scoff. Like he didn’t know who Jude was. Actually, he wished he didn’t know him. Watching him on his screen every match would be painful now. 

‘Arjun.’

He nodded back. Ananya was secretly glad that Arjun didn’t lose his bearing in front of Jude. Most guys would have in this situation, especially when Jude was being kinda brattish. 

The two men couldn’t have been more different. Jude was dressed head to toe in a chic designer ensemble, oozing natural ease & confidence, while Arjun was in a sharp formal shirt & trousers, measured & classy. 

She tried to come up with something smart to say, anything to cut the tension here, but her brain betrayed her at the worst possible moment. So she took an easy way out.

‘Umm let’s get a drink Jude?’

The said man turned towards her, and his gaze softened immediately as he nodded.

She grabbed his arm & started leading him towards the bar, away from the scene.

‘See you tomorrow!’

Ananya bid her goodbye politely to Arjun.

‘Yeah let’s continue where we left off.’

That irked Jude. A lot. He almost wanted to turn around & say something, but Ananya was diligently dragging him away. Well, she was trying. So he swallowed his irritation & played along. A drink won’t hurt at this time.

Thankfully, they found a fairly tipsy Roma at the bar, and her overjoyed mood rubbed off on the rest. Ananya felt the tension in Jude’s posture ease gradually, and his arm wrapped around her shoulders from behind. She leaned back into him, and allowed herself to drown in the merriment around her. Later, Roma dragged the group to the makeshift dance floor as the DJ blared one hit after the other.

After dancing & drinking their hearts out, Roma & Ananya somehow found themselves hugging each other, swaying to the music. Jude & Chris let them be, enjoying their drinks, and were on catching duty in case one of them trips, which looked very likely to them.

‘What a great party!’

‘It really is, isn’t it?’

‘I’m so glad you’re having the best birthday.’

‘Well, I’m with my fav people, so…’

‘Awww.’

‘How’s the ‘I love Ananya’ club going?’

Ananya rolled her eyes loudly & lightly smacked her arm, but Roma just shrugged & laughed.

‘Not too bad I guess.’

‘Has Jude tried to hit him?’

‘NO.’

‘Curse him?’

‘NO.’

‘Has he tried to drag you to the washroom to take you then & there?’

‘Oh god no.’

‘So it’s going pretty good then.’

‘I guess so.’

Jude decided to intervene in that moment, wrapping an arm each around both of them.

‘Heard my name. Missing me much?’

‘Think of the devil…..’

Roma said dramatically.

‘Pls, you love me. And a bit more after today.’

When Ananya enquired what they were referring to, Roma mentioned the signed jersey, and Ananya immediately turned to look at Jude, crossing her arms.

‘There’s one waiting for you at home. Did you really think I’d forget about you?’

She smiled, untangled herself from Roma & went to give Jude a big hug, which he reciprocated immediately. And Roma left the lovebirds alone to attend other guests.

It was that time of the night when the people were high and music had mellowed down to match the vibe. Ananya’s face was buried in his chest, tucked under his chin, as he held her & swayed her lightly to the tune.

‘Are people looking?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘But….’

‘Doesn’t matter babe. And no, not too much actually.’

‘Hmmm.’

Jude slowly caressed her back, which relaxed her & she sighed into his chest, losing herself in the moment again. She could do that, drink freely & not worry about a thing, coz Jude was here now. 

Arjun had tried very hard to keep the happy couple out of his sight, since that puke inducing moment. He even tried to respond to the advances of a hot blonde girl he had never seen before, who was talking like a 7 yr old for some reason, but Arjun tried to focus more on the hotness piece for now. And how she was half falling over him, rubbing his arm repeatedly. 

Despite his best efforts, his eyes flicked at times towards her. What hit him more was not so much the kiss (it was painful, no question) but the deep emotional intimacy & connection she seemed to share with the other guy. 

The way she smiled at him; it was the same smile Arjun had seen many times in the office when she looked at a text on her phone or went to take a quick call in one of the empty conference rooms. 

The way her skin flushed at his suggestive touches, or when he leaned over to whisper something teasing in her ear. (Arjun had to fight to not imagine how flushed she would get in other situations.)

The way she melted into his arms, fully in sync, moving when he moved, sharing an unspoken language with him, talking through their eyes. So fucking palpably in love. 

But she looked happy. At peace. How could he ever be mad at that? How could he ever wish for that to go away? He couldn’t.

Arjun did wonder though what Jude did to deserve such unconditional bond with her. DID HE DESERVE it at all? He was a footballer after all - a young, rich, popular, handsome one whose fame had just skyrocketed. Their history with women was no secret, nor was their lifestyle. Even in the last year, there were multiple articles about him speculating his relationships. Was he cheating on her & manipulating her to believe otherwise? Coz she won’t tolerate cheating, Arjun knew she would walk away. So why then did she choose to stick with him? When it was quite obvious how this would end. One day, he’d hurt her. Bad. And she, of all people, didn’t deserve it. Arjun just wished she sees that soon, before she gets too attached. But it looked like that ship had already sailed.

The blonde girl was making heart eyes at him by now, after blabbering something about wanting to take a drive, and that was his cue to get the fuck out of this party. Away from the sight of them.

Ananya swayed in Jude’s arms for god knows how long. She was relieved at how he had calmed down, and was quite proud of how maturely he had handled the situation after the initial hiccup. But later that night, when they were in the car with Roma & Chris, on their way back from the party, she felt something shift in his mood from the way his hand gripped her thigh, firmly & possessively.

Roma suggested an afterparty at their apartment but Jude intervened decisively to say Ananya & him would head to his place, which was on the way to the girls’ apartment. When they reached, Jude opened the door, extended a hand to help Ananya out & bid goodbye to the other couple. Ananya felt his turmoil from the way he held her hand tightly, and the short walk from their driveway to the main door made her nervous. 

Once inside, when Jude was locking the door & putting the alarm on, Ananya had to think quickly on her feet. When he turned around, she extended her arms towards him, cocking her head to the side, smiling lazily, something she knew he found adorable. Indicating that she wanted to be carried.

Jude looked at her face, then her arms, then back at those pouty lips. His eyes softened & he exhaled sharply, giving in.

When he picked her up, she thought she would be carried upstairs to the comfort of their bed but Jude brought her to the garden, to the edge of the pool.

‘What are we doing here?’

‘Well, you said you had never been thrown in the pool at a pool party.’

But he didn’t throw her in. The pool was only 5 feet & he didn’t wanna risk a bad fall. So he set her down, took off everything he was wearing (barring his briefs) and swiftly slipped inside the pool.

‘Come on in.’

She was wearing a deep blue summer dress, thin straps at the top, fitted till the waist and widely flowing from waist-down till below her knees. 

‘The dress?’

‘Take it off.’

‘We are outside.’

‘It’s dark. Only the porch light is on.’

It was dark. Only moonlight twinkling on the water. Plus the yard had high trees & fences. But it was still outside & it made her nervous. Especially now, when so much attention was on them. She’d be damned if someone saw them half-naked in the pool. 

Jude ducked his head in & emerged back, fully wet, water dripping from his sharp jaw-line & hair.  Eyes only on her. Straight out of a wet obscene dream. Impossible to say no to.

Slowly, she took off the dress, & his hungry gaze landed on her matching deep blue lingerie, escorting her as she stepped inside the pool. He stayed still, letting her come to him.

Ananya wanted to talk about what he was feeling, but Jude had other plans. Wildly different plans.  When she scooted close & cupped his cheeks, staring into his turbulent eyes, Jude caught her wrists, pinning them behind her back firmly, and crashed their lips together in a kiss that made her hot all over in the cool water.

He let her wrists go, moving his hands to her boobs, squeezing them hard, taking off the wretched garment covering the sweet mounds, tearing his mouth away from her lips to suck the hardening nubs. She gasped at the sudden intensity, trying to hold on to his shoulders to anchor herself, but his actions were rapid, not letting her settle.

‘Jude…honey….pls look at me….’

She tried to cup his cheeks again, but Jude lifted her by her waist & placed her on the steps, spreading her legs wide apart. Her panties were ripped off in seconds and she grabbed the railing on the steps when Jude moved his mouth between her lags, lapping at her with a pace that made her want to scream. And she did scream when he ate her out relentlessly, making her wet for more than one reason. 

The intensity of his mouth made her clutch the back of his head, trying to slow him down but Jude grabbed her hips harshly and used the angle to double down, not coming up till he completely shattered her, making her scream his name in agony mixed with ecstasy, forcing her to peak over & over with the force of his will. Only stopping when she fell forward, catching her before she slipped, letting her rest against his torso as she panted into his chest. Sweaty wet bodies squished together.

He let her catch her breath, threading his fingers through her hair absentmindedly, before backing her against the wall of the pool, lifting her by the butt to wrap her legs around his waist, and lowering himself inside her with a few quick, precise strokes.

They were face to face now, her arms around his neck, as he briskly moved inside her, manoeuvring her lower body to constantly hit different angles, making her gasp with almost each stroke. 

Her nails dug into his shoulders as she weakly pressed her lips against his, breathing into his mouth. 

‘I love you.’

She whispered. And he just thrusted harder, sending shockwaves through her body. 

‘Jude….I love you.’

He tensed, following it up with another frenzied thrust.

‘And HE loves you. STILL.’

Ananya shut her eyes, feeling his hurt, while her body thrummed with pleasure. She didn’t want their private moments to be infiltrated by someone else’s thoughts, this should just be about the two of them.

‘Not denying it then?’

She pulled herself apart a bit to look into his stormy eyes - rougher than a tsunami, more intense than the depths of an ocean.

‘You’re….not…letting me…speak..’

He groaned animatedly, only half satisfied with the response, and went back to ravishing her. Usually, when Jude had a task that he set his mind to, he executed it flawlessly. This was no different. His mission to drown his frustration under her breathless moans was playing out to the T. Momentarily, he forgot the pang he felt in his heart when he saw the two of them together. And the realisation that this happened every fucking day. That creature saw her, lurked around her every fucking day. And there was nothing Jude could do about it. 

She came again, screaming his name, her walls squeezing him deliciously, wrangling his high out of him too. Coating her insides fully, not separating till he was convinced she won’t drip.

Jude helped her out of the pool, on to the lounger on the side, and slowly tapped at her soaked form with a towel. She took over a few moments later, and he went to fetch a towel for himself.

When her senses recovered, she wrapped the towel around herself & quickly looked around to find any sign of anyone possibly watching them, but as Jude had meticulously explained so many times, it wasn’t possible. Someone could have heard her though, she was convinced she sounded like a cat that ran under a car.

Her boyfriend was drying himself a few steps away, his back to her. His words were still playing at the back of her mind. She stood up gently, her legs a bit wobbly still, and hugged him from behind, resting her face on his broad back.

He sighed, covering her hand with his.

‘You okay?’

‘More than ok. Coz I’m with you.’

When he didn’t say anything, she walked around him to look at his pretty (& still wet) face, finally cupping his cheeks softly and pulling him down for a lingering kiss. 

‘Take me to bed now?’

‘Yeah.’

She was lifted bridal style again, and she smiled this time, loving the princess treatment. Walking away, she could vaguely see their undergarments just floating in the pool, & made a mental note of fixing that later. She’d absolutely die if the housekeeper finds them like that.

When they passed the kitchen on their way up, Jude asked if she wanted to have something, given she had a fair bit to drink. But she just wanted to hold him & kiss him & tell him how much she loved him. Why it didn’t matter what a third person might feel. This was just about the two of them.

He laid her on the bed, and she pulled him down next to her, curling into his side, placing soft kisses on his chest.

‘My baby.’

She cooed to him, reaching up to caress his face, showering him with affection before broaching the sensitive topic.

Jude’s head was still all over the place. And her soft, inviting body rubbing against his made his blood rush south. Fast & hard. He was nowhere close to being done with her, not tonight.

When Jude pulled her towel off, flipped her to get on top, pinning her hands over her head (all in a few seconds), she squirmed & wriggled underneath him, breaking away from his kiss. That offended him, deeply.

‘What?’

‘Wait…pls wait.’

‘We should talk first.’

‘About what?’

‘You know what.’

‘I don’t want to. Not now. Later.’

He dove in again and she evaded his mouth again. 

‘SERIOUSLY? You’re saying no to me now?’

Jude wasn’t used to that. She had never refused him when he was in such a mood and needed her badly. His mind obviously linked it to an unpleasant reason, & she saw the hurt instantly on his face.

Agitated, he rolled away from her, sitting up on the bed. She sat up too, pulling the sheet around herself, and shifted next to him, speaking softly. 

‘I’m not saying no. Just saying we should talk first.’

‘And I’m saying I don’t wanna talk right now. That counts for nothing?’

‘It’s not good to bottle things between us, baby. It’s not healthy.’

‘I will just fucking end up saying something that would get you mad. Can’t you see that?’

‘I won’t get mad. Wanna hear what’s in your heart.’

She moved to caress his back but he stood up abruptly to pace around the bed.

‘I HATE HIM.’

‘I know.’

‘I HATE that he’s with you every fucking day. Looking at you. Fantasising about you. Fucking son of a…’

‘Jude. I hear you. And I get it. But pls believe me when I say this - I’ve never felt uncomfortable around him. A girl knows, she just knows. He’s not like that.’

He stopped pacing & crossed his arms, staring straight at her.

‘Oh he’s not, yeah?’

‘Yes, he’s not. If I would have felt uncomfortable even once, I would have done something about it. Remember our deal? I said I’d come to you if there ever was anything - but it’s just not true. Not when he was….when he had….feelings. And not now, when he has moved on.’

Jude looked at her like a detective investigating a criminal.

‘How do know he has moved on?’

Ananya took a deep breath to calm herself. Did he think she was keeping tabs or something? 

‘Roma told me he’s been on a few dates. Even with women in our office.’

‘How do you know those are dates & not hook-ups?’

‘How does that even matter?’

Jude scoffed like she asked him something silly, which irked her.

‘Hook-ups are for sex. Doesn’t mean he’s over you.’

She looked at him with irritation, looking for something to beat his logic.

‘He’s not the hookups type. At least….I don’t think so.’

This time, Jude simply laughed in her face.

‘Sure, so he’ll just say no to sex yeah? You’re so cute sometimes. I’ve NEVER met a man like that.’

His tone & presumptuousness was starting to get on her nerves now. What was the poor guy supposed to do? Die? Leave the city? His job? Because Jude didn’t like him? It had been 10 months for crying out loud. The world does not revolve around one person. 

‘Not everyone is like….’

She checked herself at the last second, horrified, but Jude pounced on it.

‘Like what? Like me? That’s it, isn’t it? You think he’s better than me, don’t you? Morally superior, high Indian values and all that? Someone you can take to your parents easily? Where you don’t have to set the ground for MONTHS and even then want to wait for the right time for an in-person meeting, like in our case? SAY IT ANANYA.’

She flinched at his words and the hurt in his voice. Shaken, she rushed to him, throwing her arms around him desperately, whispering sorry into his chest. He didn’t say anything, but his posture eased, deflated. She dragged him to the edge of the bed, making him sit down & then climbed into his lap, kissing all over his face.

‘I’m sorry honey. Didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry.’

She kissed his face again, and he loosely wrapped his arms around her.

Ananya cupped his cheeks and made him look into her eyes.

‘Listen to me. No third person can come between us, not anymore. No one can sway us, unless our intent is to cheat. Do you think I want to?’

‘No.’

‘Then that’s it. Whatever he or anyone else might feel is irrelevant. You can hate him & you’re justified, I won’t stop you.’

‘But you don’t hate him.’

‘I don’t have a reason to.’

‘And you have a soft corner for him, you always defend him. Don’t deny that.’

She wasn’t going to insult his intelligence by denying that.

‘Maybe.’

‘Why? What has it always been there?’

‘Initially, coz he was kind, respectful & not chauvinistic. It’s rare in my field, believe me. And then later…..’

She had to pick her words carefully, especially when Jude was watching her like a hawk.

‘Maybe I feel guilty….for hurting him unknowingly. And I am thankful that he respected my choice & never made me uncomfortable. That’s also rare in my field, and for men in general.’

‘What if he’s using that to wait in the wings, waiting for me to fuck this up so he can be the knight in shining armour?’

‘He’ll have to keep waiting then.’

‘Can you promise me that?’

‘Promise you what?’

‘That you’ll never be with him. No matter what.’

She looked at his face curiously, thinking over this strange ask. Unfair ask. The feminist in her was screaming inside that it was wildly inappropriate for him to ask her this. He had no right to. What she did if they didn’t end up together was really none of his business. How could he try to dictate her life like that? 

But the girlfriend in her could see that her man was hurting. The way his eyes were twitching, waiting for her response, the way his hands were fidgeting on her back, the nervous gulps, the way his voice broke when he said that last line - Jude was in pain and if it was in her power to soothe him, she was absolutely going to.

‘Ok.’

This caught him off guard. He was 90% sure this would be one of the things that would make her mad. But he knew he wanted this promise from the moment he saw the two of them together.

‘Happy now?’

He shook his head & rested his forehead against hers.

‘Scared.’

‘Why, my love? You have me, all of me.’

‘Feels like you’ll slip away, no matter how hard I try to keep you mine. If it’s not this asshole, it might be some other prick from this super elite school you are going to, a million miles away.’

‘Your fear is growing, coz your love for me is growing. That’s how love works.’

‘It’s wretched.’

‘Sure is.’

‘Do you feel it too, the fear?’

‘All the time. Like at least a million women would kill to be in my place, I know that.’

‘But no one can be you.’

‘And no one can be you.’

‘Man I love you.’

‘Finally. Kept me waiting all day.’

They moved at the same time for a kiss, sighing into each others’ mouth. 

‘Need one more promise.’

‘What now?’

‘You’ll let me fly you down whenever you can spare any time. None of this ‘I can’t splurge on you’ nonsense anymore. It’s not splurging. I NEED you. I fucking need you with me.’

‘Ok.’

‘Don’t go back on this later.’

‘I won’t.’

‘God I’m gonna miss you. How is it just a month? You’ll be gone, and I won’t get to hold you every night, see this face every morning.’

She was trying very hard to hold herself together but this did her in. Her choked voice came in a whisper.

‘And…you think I won’t miss you too?’

A tear rolled down her cheek, jolting him instantly.

‘Hey, hey….shhhhh.’

‘When I’m the one going away, when I’m the one putting us through this, don’t you think I feel guilty?’

‘Oh baby, no, not this. It’s ok.’

He wiped her tears, patting her back slowly.

‘How is it ok, when I wake up in the middle of the night & stare at your sleeping face, and it makes me NOT WANT TO GO?’

With that, all the pent up emotions of last few months came out, along with the waterworks. Jude held her through it, letting her soak his shoulder with her emotions, cooing softly into her ear.

Minutes later, when she calmed down & clung to his chest, an idea struck him.

‘I have the perfect thing to make you feel better.’

She thought he was talking about sleeping. She couldn’t be more wrong.

He wrestled the sheets off from around her, with her still in his lap, and lifted her by her butt to carry her to the large French window in his bedroom.

‘Let’s make new memories together. You get what I mean by ‘new’ yeah?’

‘I always get what you mean. You’re never subtle.’

‘That’s your department. I just take what I want.’

With that, he flipped her naked body & pressed her front to the window, the cold glass making her shudder.

This was not like the pool. It looked into the street. Ananya could see cars passing by and some people too. There were still lights outside.

‘Jude people can….’

‘Dark inside. Lights outside. They can’t see us. Basic science.’

‘But…’

Before she could finish the sentence, he lifted one of her legs to get the right angle & pressed his tip against her entrance, his other hand coming to her front, sliding down to rub circles on her clit. Shutting her up. For words at least.

For the next half hour, she was pushed & thrusted against the window, her body & laboured breaths painting the glass with marks. As he moved her like he owned her. And maybe he did. And maybe she liked that.

Later that night, Jude woke her up with kisses down her back, starting from that spot right at the back of her neck which immediately made her gooey. Her sleepy eyes, groggy voice & messy hair spread across the pillow turning him on even more. Telling her that since they only had a month left before she leaves, they had to make their time extra efficient. Basic logic. She quipped that it was ‘basic Jude logic’ but shifted readily on her back to invite him in & even helped him to get ‘ready’ quickly. Like he knew she would. Like they were perfectly in sync, as Arjun had so rightly observed.

..................................................................................

There you go. 6.4k words.

I came back after a long time & enjoyed writing this. Hope you like it too. As always, would absolutely love to hear your thoughts.

P.S. - This does not mean I am back. Made an exception for this one coz I was missing Jude Ananya too, but I don't plan to write more. So enjoy this one.

Also, this is an spin-off, not a part of the series. The series still ended at Ch 20. Anything after that are possible future scenarios, but not a part of the series.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

It's wild that the whole global trend of gay-focused happy ending romance shows and movies has only been going on for *looks at calendar* a measly ten years!

Just ten years ago. 2014. That's when you get the discovery of a market for queer romance series and films with happy endings. That year the OG Love Sick in Thailand came out. Brazil puts out The Way He Looks, which deserves so much more credit than it receives for influencing the aeshtetics of the genre. Looking premieres on HBO, and although it had low ratings, it's an important touchstone. And, despite Nickelodeon’s censorship and shifting the program from tv to its website, the Legend of Korra confirms Korrasami in its season finale.

The next year, in 2015, we get Love Sick season 2, and China, pre-censorship laws has a few options: Happy Together (not the Wong Kar Wai one lol), Mr. X and I, and Falling In Love with a Rival. Canada, premieres Schitt's Creek. In the US, Steven Universe reveals Garnet as a romantic fusion between two female characters, and will proceed to just be so sapphic. Norwegian web series Skam premieres and sets up a gay protagonist for its third season, which will drop in 2016 and entirely change the global media landscape.

Then, 2016! This is the MOMENT. That aforementioned Skam season happens. Japan puts out the film version of Ossan's Love and anime series Yuri!!! on Ice. China has the impactful Addicted Heroine, which directly leads to increased censorship. The US has Moonlight come out and take home the Oscar. In Thailand, GMMTV enters the BL game and Thai BL explodes: Puppy Honey, SOTUS, Water Boyy, Make It Right, plus, the Thai Gay OK Bangkok, which, like its influence, Looking, is more in the queer tradition but introduces two dramatically important directors to the Thai BL industry, Aof and Jojo.

By 2017, Taiwan enters the game with its History series. Korea’s BL industry actually kicks off with Method and Long Time No See. Thailand’s got too many BLs to mention. Call Me By Your Name, though not a happy ending, makes a big splash that will send ripples through the whole genre, and God's Own Country offers a gruff counter-argument to problematic age differences and twink obsessions. This is also the year of Netflix reboot of One Day At a Time bringing some wlw to the screen, and the Disney Channel has a main character come out as ‘gay’ on Andi Mack ( I’m am ready to throw fists with anyone who thinks the Disney Channel aesthetic isn’t a part of current queer culture). And I'd be remiss not to mention the influential cult-following of chaotic web-series The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo: "Sometimes things that are expensive...are worse."

All this happened, and we hadn’t even gotten to Love, Simon, Elite, or ITSAY, yet.

Prior to all this there are some major precursors some of which signaled and primed a receptive market, others influenced the people who'd go on to create the QLs. Japan has a sputtering start in the 2010s with a few BL films (Takumi-Kun, Boys Love, and Jujoun Pure Heart). Most significantly in the American context, you have Glee, and its ending really makes way for the new era that can center gay young people in a world where queerness, due to easy access to digital information, is less novel to the characters. And the QL book and graphic novel landscape was way ahead of the television and film industries, directly creating many of the stories that the latter industries used.

There's plenty of the traditional queer media content (tragic melodramas and independent camp comedies) going on prior to and alongside QL, and there are some outlying queer romance films with happy endings that precede the era but feel very much akin to QL genre tropes and goals, many with a focus on postcolonial and multicultural perspectives (Saving Face, The Wedding Banquet, Big Eden, Maurice, My Beautiful Launderette, and Weekend). I don't mean to suggest that everything I’ve listed ought to be categorized as QL.

Rather, I want to point out how all of these new-era queer romance works are in a big queer global conversation together, in the creation of a new contemporary genre, a genre that has more capacity and thematic interest to include digital technology and normalize cross-cultural relationships than other genres (there's a reason fansubs and web platforms are so easily accepted and integrated to the proliferation of these series).

You're not too late to be part of the conversation. Imagine being alive in the 1960s and 70s and participating in the blossoming of the sci-fi genre. That flowering is where gay romance sits now. Join the party.

[kateysummers99]

Do you think the WWBM Interacial movement has now got to a critical point where momentum has starting to challenge even the majority of White Women now as far as there choices for relationship ? May we as White Males even lose this group of females to African Men more then we keep ourselves ?

The short answer is definitely yes.

Because of my own personal experiences and also just looking at major social trends, it's pretty obvious that IR relationships (in general, but specifically white girls and black guys) are much more common now than they were 10, 30, and 30 years ago. 

I think there are lots of reasons for this and I’m obviously not an expert (I work in finance, not cultural psychology), but lets just look at the obvious trends:

Girls today are more empowered in general, and especially regarding sexuality and romance. I mention this a lot on this blog, there are less things hold girls back than there used to be. Movies and TV and culture in general are so much more accepting that people can love who they want to love, and that applies especially to society being more accepting of girls expressing their sexuality. I grew up in a time when dating black guys was an obvious but implied no-no, and it's just not the same today. (Note this is NOT true everywhere. Sadly there are racists and homophobes still, but they will probably be holdouts until they die.)

Black men are idolized for their physicality and masculinity by society more and more every day. Sports, music, advertising media, movies, social media and TV shows - you name it, black guys are constantly the icon of masculinity, status and power. This is really true for their masculinity, where we regularly fetishize the sexual prowess of black men in every day culture with phrases like “once you go black you never go back.” 

Porn is free and everywhere. Also something that wasn’t the case when I was growing up, but now you just pick up any cell phone and in a few seconds be privately and anonymously staring at an amazing black man and his huge black cock (or whatever your fantasy is).

Also in the last few years, social justice and institutional racism has become a hot topic, I think a lot of women recognize that the same old white male patriarchy that has been suppressing women since the beginning of time has also been responsible for suppressing Black people. This puts white women and black men on the same side on a pretty deep level, where they see each other in the same existential struggle for happiness against the common enemy that is old white guys.

Another interesting thing that I've read reports about is more and more young white guys who are essentially "staying single" forever, sometimes due to porn addiction. They make a sexual connection with porn that is easy and judgment free, which is the opposite of the real-world dating situation where they deal with complex social dynamics and competition (including trying to compete against more masculine black men who are constantly in movies and music).

So if that's a growing tend... then young women find themselves more free in choosing partners, society idolizing black guys, exposed to IR sex and porn, and more culturally aligned with black guys… and young white guys basically removing themselves from the dating pool.

As for me personally, I have always thought think black guy / white girl couples are the most beautiful -- there's a special passion and primal attraction that goes deep down that you just don't see with other couples.

So yes, I think black guy and white girl couples are definitely more and more popular. I don’t think we’ll ever get to a point where all white men are unwanted forever (sorry white boys who message me, desperate to live in such a world), but I do think increasingly empowered girls and wider acceptance of female sexuality will naturally trend to more black guys and white girls together - which is all beautiful to me :)

[librarycards]

hi!!! i just want to ask how to engage with books better and not just finish them for the sake of finishing the said books? idk if im making sense but im struggling a lot with this. im sorry if this might seem a stupid question to ask

not stupid! i think many people have this issue, especially in an age where it feels like a lot of ~readers~ on social media complete books just for the sake of hitting a reading goal or keeping up with trends, rather than actually because they like what they read.

my first suggestion, tbh, is to limit your time on/get off completely booktok/tube/stagram/etc., not because they'll inherently ruin your reading life, but bc i think for a lot of people, they inspire a competitiveness that needs to be unlearned in order to embrace actual pleasure/leisure reading, rather than gamified competitive reading. try getting off goodreads/storygraph if it's still an issue for you - you can always get an old fashioned paper journal if you want to track what you read and what you think of each book. i truly think one of the biggest harms that book-related social media has done is turned reading into a job for people who want to read for fun. it's hard to unlearn!

next, i recommend taking a look at some of the close reading and annotation strategies I talk about here. i don't always read for school-purposes - actually, the vast majority of books I read are just for fun! but using these strategies on instinct has helped me enjoy my fun books more, too. if it helps inspire you, get some nice highlighters, pencils, post it notes, etc. your books don't need to be pristine if you like to annotate and it helps. books are your friends, and it's okay to play with them!!

reading can be a group effort, and one that pays off over time! check out book clubs/discussion boards about what you're reading online. some will have chapter-by-chapter schedules to encourage you not to rush. and what's the point of rushing, anyway? - if it's not for an assignment, there's no reason to sprint through a book before you get the chance to fully digest it. your other books will still be there when you finish. plus, the more you read closely and actually process what you've read, the faster you'll be able to go - practice makes better. so keep in mind that if you start out taking a long time to read and understand a book, a year, two years, etc. of doing so consistently will result in more efficient reading skills. after all, think about how long it took you to read an easy book in, like, 1st grade vs. now. your mind is still flexible and you can still improve!

lastly, don't be afraid of re-reading, checking wikipedia, asking questions, and looking words up. needing help is not something that's for "bad" readers. it's for all readers - we all need to define a new word or double check we understood a chapter sometimes. sure, there can be times where just 'going with' an unfamiliar concept can be really helpful, but at other times, our experiences can be enriched by pausing, taking notes, asking questions, and chewing on ideas before continuing.

oh, and an addendum: if it's for pleasure reading, READ THINGS YOU ACTUALLY LIKE. not what's trendy or popular. not what your friends are reading. not what's on someone's best-of list. read about topics you're interesting, and read authors whose reading styles you vibe with. there are some cases where reading something you're not comfortable with is important, but this moment - when you're still practicing pleasure-reading and slowing down - really isn't one of them. you have plenty of time to branch out. as an exercise, try finding ten books by authors you like and/or with themes you enjoy, and seeing how you feel after finishing those. then, after that's done, reassess your taste, your comprehension, and, most importantly, your enjoyment. you get the rest of your life to become a more astute reader and to partake in the joy of books. go at your own pace and release the need to read the same things, or as quickly as everyone else - especially influencers.

[back2bluesidex]

To Be Popular - JJK (18+) [Prologue Preview]

↪ Patreon Membership Exclusive Series

↪ Pairing: Social Media Influencer! Jungkook X Marketing Manager! Reader ft. Yoongi

↪ Summary: You love everything about social media - apart from the ever-growing number of social media influencers. You don't understand how these people gain followers and admirers just by installing a camera and doing very basic things in front of it. And you despise how some of them can do anything to gain fame, to be popular - even if it includes uploading their bedroom scene in pornsites aka people like Jeon Jungkook.

But when your company launches a new product and your department head tasks you with signing Jeon Jungkook up as an endorsement partner - you have no choice but to chase him like the corporate slave that you are. However, things turn worse when you embroil in a dating rumor with him and have to keep the game going for the sake of everything.

is it really for the worse or things will turn in a way you never expected?  

↪ Theme: Strangers to lovers au, fake dating au, kind of enemies to lover au, angst, smut, fluff.

↪ A/N: This series will have 2k words per chapter and will be updated weekly. Hence, you can expect the first chapter sometime next week. Hope that you enjoy this one <3

Read full prologue on Patreon

Your jaw hangs ajar, threatening to touch the floor as Min Yoongi, aka the manager you have a fat crush on, presents the campaign plan of your company’s new product’s marketing. Everything was fine until Yoongi suggested influencer endorsement and if this is not a joke of the universe then you don’t know what it is because you can see Jeon Jungkook’s picture gracing the screen.   

“Jeon Jungkook? Why?” you utter these words without so much of a thought. 

Yoongi looks at you with his narrowed eyes, “why not? You know, he is really famous. He is trending currently.” 

“Yeah but the reason he is trending- well. I don’t think he is suitable for our brand image.” you press on. 

Yoongi chuckles at your constipated expression, “Y/N-ah” he calls you softly and a tiny part of your heart melts, “I am sure our brand image can go up with a few charitable works here and there. But the company wants a return of what they are investing in marketing. I bet signing up Jeon Jungkook will help.” 

“Y/N, you know we are already at a tight spot right? Our last campaign wasn’t as successful as we expected. The company may take steps if we don’t do this right this time.” calls Mrs. Lee from the other side of the table. 

“And before you ask me why him, why not the other influencers…” Yoongi chimes in again, “We are selling gaming laptops and this guy is addicted to games. He has more followers than the actual streamers. He is young, hot, and talented in many areas. In one word, he is perfect.” 

“You awfully sound like you want to date him.” You scoff at the man. He only chuckles. 

Yoongi tries to say something but a knock rings on the door. One of the staff opens the door only a little and says, “Sir, he is here.” 

Yoongi nods and says, “send him inside.” 

“Who is coming?” you place the question. Only for Yoongi to smirk as a response. 

When you are about to press more, the door swings open revealing the man who-should-not-be-named, Jeon Jungkook. 

Your eyes go wide as you take him in - all baggy clothes and a cute bucket hat perched on the top of his head. Bambi eyes scanning the room like a puppy brought to his very new home. As if he is not the guy who is going viral for fucking on camera and selling it to an adult site. 

He bows deeply and opens his mouth to greet, “Hello, I am Jeon Jungkook.” 

You feel your blood pressure raising at the thought of working with him. You will survive it right? 

You will have to. 

Read full prologue on Patreon

[itingtmywly]

pjo show watchers read this i beg you

This week is a global strike for Palestine and everyone should participate to the best of their abilities. its a strike, meaning we go all out and be disruptive, show the deliberate absence and anger for every person that is in charge to see. And especially since Disney is a pressure target of bds and us being watchers of one of their huge shows, STAY SILENT ABOUT THE INCOMING EPISODE.

Do not watch it this week, either wait for the strike to end in 28th or sail the seas if you have to watch it, but DO NOT post about it online, don't make it trend, don't start dicussions. there are private conversations for that. THIS IS A ONE, SINGLE EPISODE WE'RE BEING ASKED TO BOYCOTT.

"Why should I not talk about things im interested in just because theres a war? I just want to watch and comment my show in peace" well im sure there were many kids and teenagers and adults from Gaza who had also wanted to just watch their fav shows in peace, and they cannot because theyve been murdered. If you have an ounce of humanity in yourself, you should know what's a more important topic between tens of thousands of murders being commited and milions of innocent people being affected by a genocide funded by the "democratic, advanced parts of the world", and a single episode of a tv show.

Use any platform you have, spend this week using social media mainly to post about Palestine (keep posting about some other stuff sometimes to avoid shadowban). Make this whole week about showing and voicing your anger and objection. Let's flood every media we can with support for Palestine and footages of crimes commuted by the zionist regime.

[theempressofthenile]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS - MORE ABOUT THE STARS

Hey! My name is Monet. I wanted to share some more insight on the signs and some house placements. I hope you all enjoy!

Taurus suns are incredible listeners. They are big on gift giving and creating safe and sensual spaces for their partners. However they due tend to argue a lot, its the bull headed energy they have. Its an Adrenaline rush. Be careful not to be around them while their hot tempered, you might get a kick from the bull. On the bright side, their sensual personas is a gift from the cosmos. They can turn this trait into a gold mine. They have the energy to entice you with their words, their bodies and even the way they express themselves.

Jupiter in Aquarius individuals have a complex understanding of the cosmos. It's not typically understood by the masses but I mean it is in aquarius! Jupiter here shows an expansion in knowledge be it whatever it is they put their fingers on. The Midas Touch. Even if the odds are against them, they still have a notoriety to their character that most never saw coming. They change the odds to work in their favor due to a shift in mindset. Good luck bestows them when they go into odd, original territory. You never know what you might find!

Jupiter 10th House individuals have an urgency to be successful, this can be a painful placement to have because while they may have big dreams their is a ton of practicality that comes in with this placement. This placement can be quite depressive when they aren't sure how their plans for the future can commence. They have to work hard to get to this dream however they must take into account that things don't always happen so quickly. Jupiter in this house shows a person with a magnetic persona, where people will feel the good energy on you and will latch on to it. It doesnt quite matter what this character is doing, they will always have a respectable aura to the masses. It is their gift.

Sun in the 11th shows a person who is popular with the masses, however it has its quirks. These are the internet famous geeks. The ones who turn the trends into their favor. Pioneers in the originality train. They normally just have to be themselves and people will be attracted to them. Angel dust is literally sprinkled on their character. For social media of course ;) jk. On another end, these people are quick to join different organizations and groups. However they feel at the moment, they usually take a chance in whatever is not the ordinary. 11th house is ruled by uranus/aquarius naturally, so the 11th house suns have a knack for creating and/or being in spaces where they can connect to people who are different from them.

Neptune 12th housers, whew boy. You guys have a gift in the subconscious that goes untapped by the rest of the world. Your gift in seeing things that arent there, can be used in creative/practical outlets. I'd argue that you could just paint or draw, but its much bigger than that. Sometimes thats not what you're subconscious is looking for. It requires you to seek it. This house placement goes on journeys through the psyche, and in the physical it shows itself in a number of ways. Whether through people, art, locations. Doesn't matter. There is one thing that is always certain, that the imagination has a mission. And that's to bring it to life.

These people are good at reading the world because they are constantly rejected and ocratized on being different. The 'crazy' one. But the one who is also the most talented in astrology, occult, the stars, and mysticism. It's a gift not everyone gets, but it's something work noting. They challenge you too see the beyond, and help others tap into themselves . The escapist, they have others who try to escape with them, but it doesnt last. Be gentle with them, they have a lot going on in their mind. They just want to share it with someone.

Venus in Leo has a royal aura. Their charm can wow others and can make them fall in love easily. Their gift is in works of art but for them i do sense singing would be a great one for them. They don't need to have the 'best' voice. Just the confidence to keep going. Their magnetism is strongest during artistic associations because leo gets a knack out of being in the spotlight.

Mercury in the 3rd House has a significant tone to their voice. Its odd but its very distinctive that people enjoy listening. These people can also have a knack in playing instruments. Jazz style locations works for them. This is so the mind can relax as they are consistently on the go. Researching kills any acts of boredom easily, as this is a necessity for the mind.

[skeletoninthemelonland]

since you are an artist I’ve looked up to for quite a while (roughly around july 2023), I’ve been meaning to ask; how do we keep making/drawing things we actually like but never see get any, like, attention? as if that attention helps with our motivation to keep making those things since i/we like it, and other people like it too so even better, right?

perhaps its not the right word but I personally find that personal/stylized projects are more enjoyable for me than drawing the new trending characters from insert fandom here, because a lot more people may enjoy it but the artist may feel nothing towards that artwork because its just.. another Popular Thing to appeal to the masses. so again, how do we keep making the things we like despite the slight demotivation on the fact that it gains little to no attention?

anywho this is just word vomit at this point so I apologize for that. have a good day and best of luck with your studies :)

Oops this was in my drafts since July 2024.

I understand where you're coming from. It might be discouraging to work on a personal project under the circumstances you described.

I think it's worth asking how you view the process of creating. Are you doing art for yourself, or somebody else? Is it a hobby, or a profession? Is it just a fun thing you do sometimes, or something much more meaningful? The answers may vary, and there's never an incorrect one.

The way I found to navigate these feelings of discouragement is going along with the ride — I like this piece of media, and said media is currently trending, so let's make art of it! Once I'm done, hop off and find something else to enjoy. Doesn't have be anything great. Maybe 2 or 3 mutuals are going to stay and see what other stuff you have in store, which means a lot.

Most of the time though? People will move on and you'll be quiet again. From experience, popularity can be disorienting, stressful and overwhelming. It can boost your motivation, but after a while you start loosing the connection you once had with your art.

My best advice is accept that popularity and personal interests flunctuate, and won't always coincide to create the perfect environment. Good surprises will come when you least expect them, so don't get stuck on the idea that your art's worth is based on how much attention it gets from others. Keep doing what you love, you're unstoppable.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/746553097204203521/the-fandom-hates-women-response-to-lack-of-ff

The "fandom hates women" part of it comes from the fact that fandom as an entity just doesn't watch the kind of media that draws femslash, even if it ticks all of the boxes of things those very same people say they like. There are so many times I've watched a show that I've seen mega-popular Tumblr posts wishing existed, and then the fandom is so, so small comparatively and often in general. There have been superheroes, vampire/supernatural shows, fantasy shows, movies, books, the list goes on, that feel like they were generated out of Tumblr's desires for ideal fandom media, and everyone knows they're never going to attract anywhere near the same attention for fandom and fanworks because the common denominator just tends to be that if there isn't a full ensemble of attractive men to ship either with each other or with the women, fandom's not interested.

So it's not about prioritizing women in that sense, it's about people witnessing hypocrisy over and over again the second a show doesn't have a mostly-male ensemble. The people who are in these fandoms are frustrated that good faith attempts to get people interested are met with every excuse in the book that all eventually boils down to "I don't like watching stuff with women in it as much as I like watching stuff with men in it." And if that's how people feel about it... sometimes the conclusions are going to turn into the more uncharitable take of "fandom hates women."

--

Maybe, but whenever I see a "fandom hates women" reblog of my stuff, one or two reblogs further down the chain I get an overt TERF. I just had to go block several people today, in fact.

The first person to reblog with a comment like that is usually subtle, but their friends and friends of friends are not. The rhetoric that very quickly starts is the fandom equivalent of that "All the butches are becoming trans men! We're losing lesbians!" stuff.

Here's the thing: I've been in ten billion fandoms that were so awesome and fit fandom's supposed tastes to a T and yet no amount of promoting them could get anyone to try the canon. This goes for canons that are all men or all white men or all majority ethnicity men or whatever else.

The default state of media is to not engender a big fic fandom.

I agree that the rare outliers mostly follow certain patterns, but we extrapolate too far when we say that a lack of those patterns is why a fandom is small.

A fandom is small because that's the near-universal default.

--

Yes, a small slice of fandom consists of guilt-ridden queer fujoshi who say they want more f/f but don't make much of a move to make that happen. I tend to run into that a lot because of my own tastes and having friends who share those tastes.

Far more of fandom is people talking generally about how representation matters without saying they would personally join these fandoms if they existed.

Neither group is large enough to be the real reason some woman-heavy canon fails to take off to HP levels.

The real reason is not hypocrisy but the fact that most things don't take off like that. Most things without massive, massive audiences especially don't take off like that. And the very few things that do are flukes and don't actually predict that another similar thing will take off in the future.

--

Go to AO3's tag search. Search for all canonical fandom tags. Sort by uses and descending order.

Right now, I get 64,390 tags.

The first page, 50 tags, goes from HP with 497,845 works to the Thor movies with 59,266 works. By page 6, we're below 10 thousand works.

By the end of page 10, we're down to Labyrinth with 3,906.

Somewhere in the top 500 AO3 fandom tags (many of which are just franchise metatags for each other), we go all the way from megafandoms to medium size and down to relatively modest ones.

That's not a lot of room for a big f/f-heavy fandom given the trends in mainstream media and that mainstream media is where most really big fandoms come from.

--

I also notice that you're conflating a lack of desire to watch something that's primarily about women with a lack of desire to watch something that includes women.

There are tons of fans who want something more like The Mummy with a leading man and leading woman they love.

Granted, that's not me and that's not a lot of my fujoshi/slasher audience, but it's extraordinarily common. I know plenty of people who don't like canons that are only dudes, but since they also don't like canons that are only ladies and they don't ship f/f, this gets spun into "fandom hates women".

--

Let me be clear:

Conflating "lesbians" and "women" is a radfem position.